I brushed my teeth yesterday night and I am following this ritual for past two weeks now. I always knew it is one good thing to do but never really stick to it most of the time. Why I am doing it now? Did I changed my habit or new year resolution. Simple thing as brushing my teeth every night before going to bed, We call them good habits and never really think that we are caring for our body by doing it.
I started eating well and more consciously and I am enjoying food every time I eat it. Many people already do this but others like me never really care. What changed in me?
I have started loving myself. We all know the saying – ‘Love thyself’, but we hardly ever do that fully. One of the reason that people hurt us. Most of the times we rely on others to give us happiness and make us feel good. Why? Because we don’t give the feeling of love to ourselves. I am 28 and turning 29 next month. Too old to know things in life but still I have never loved myself fully to be complete in myself. The time I broke up with my ex, I started feeling disappointed with the world and specially guys as they always hurt you. But now I know it was not him, it was me. I never loved myself enough to know what I deserve and what shall I choose for myself. We close our eyes and do not want to see whether we really want that person in our life or we are just being desperate to have someone in our life to share our feelings and to make ourselves feel good. If we depend on others for our happiness then it will depend on the other person whether they keep us happy or not.
It is their choice we have no control upon. And don’t you think it is like being a kid again where we used to depend upon our parents to feed us and keep us safe. But now that we are old enough to take care of ourselves physically then still we depend upon others to make us happy. That means we are grown ups physically but not completely emotionally.
I would suggest to have good friends when you think you need some one in life. Because when you are not happy and hurt then no one else can give you the inner joy. Only faith in yourself and finding the inner happiness by doing things that you like is going to make you full of life. Friends help in this process by eliminating the loneliness in you and it will keep you busy with the activities you like rather than being desperate and find another wrong person for your self. Because heart without love cant give love. So first make your heart whole with self love then only is the time to have some one close in your life who will cherish having you in their life. Otherwise you will be needy rather than being in love. People can sense whether you are needy or genuine and even if you get some one nice when you are desperate, there is no surety how long it is going to last.
I am going through the whole self discovery phase at the moment and I feel from my personal experience it is amazing. Its not about what kind of person you want, it is also about whether you deserve the person you want in your life or not. Many times we choose people who want us but they don’t deserve us, this puts us in lower position where we get hurt and loose our confidence. Other times we choose the people whom we want in our life but they deserve better so we either always try to become what they want or have the feeling of guilt.
It is very important that we choose the person with the same energy level as us, specially emotionally. We usually know what attracts us physically but we do not give enough thoughts what is the emotional level of a person. And I don’t think how the person looks ever hurt us. It is always the person inside that makes us feel that we made the wrong choice. It is like buying a car, if you want it for certain purpose but you just buy it on the basis of looks then it is not going to make you happy. That means you are taking a big chance and it can work or it might not.
I know it is difficult to choose a person for yourself then because how do we know the emotional level before knowing him/her too well. Then why not just be friends and not tag it with some other name. And after a while you will know whether this is the right person for you or not. Because problem with getting into relationship is that you can not back out. You just need to break up and that hurts. Whereas as friends you still have your freedom to choose and be yourself. Its the extra layer that we sometimes put to show the other person that we are perfect for them. But as friends we do not need to do that. we can be ourselves and see whether we like each other or not. Because in case we have that extra layer then one day we will show our true self and the other person might or might not be alright with true our-self And in case we decide to keep that layer for long enough then it is going to suffocate us gradually. Imagine covering our self from a blanket and carrying that every where with us. We will never be able to feel the world properly.
I will keep writing about what I have been thinking and meanwhile you should start your journey for self love as its you who can love you most and no one else.