Will I ever live again?`

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I get up, have something to eat, leave for work, come back home and at times I do pray

Maze is the word I would give to this life that keeps my brain working

My heart is not heard most of the times and it keeps asking

Will I ever live again, in this complex emotional rain?

Its killing me like this and giving so much of pain, Will I ever live again?

 

I console myself by saying it’s going to be different every night I go to bed

I mishear my heart and think it’s happy again whereas it’s not what’s being said

Why we do this to ourselves why we make our soul cry

There are no tears left, even the eyes gone dry

Will my soul ever see the sun again in this foggy life?

My inner voice makes me shiver by asking if it will ever be heard again.

 

But then that’s life, is what I think every time I get tired

When there no hope and no one to make me inspired

Not even a single thing I get that I ever desired

Life is life and no matter what it does, I think it still needs to be admired

So I have almost ,stopped asking this question whether I will live again

But I am not sure how long I will sustain without asking – Will I ever live again!

Snoozing Period – Quiet before the Storm (What’s going to happen)

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You must be thinking I started my blog with all the self realization stuff and more regarding spirituality and now here I am only with reviews for movies and old travel stories. What happened to the self awareness journey? To be honest I am thinking the same as I was so happy for constantly 16 days since New Year or should say even from Christmas Eve when I went to my friends place for a celebration. But the truth is I am going through a negative phase now. It was the peak time to feel so light and now I am gone to the other side where I am again stuck with real life problems. Although it does not feel as bad as it used to may be because I am still aware of what’s happening so not much impacted by it. But being happy is not being easy really. There are times when I look at the world and it all feels the same and that is because inside it’s a storm that’s taking its toll.

I was seeing everything clearly only few days ago and now again it’s the fogginess that has taken over. I can’t see or feel anything all I can do is to save myself from feeling sick or bad about this phase. I am fighting with the negativity around me. And again to remind myself it’s just me nothing else has changed. It’s funny the same things that were source of happiness have turned into cold frozen objects today. Why, why I am going through this? I have so many questions. My soul sometimes wants to cry out loud and ask the universal power to come and merge into me. May be I am not completely ready that’s why it’s only in bursts that I am able to get the knowledge. For few days it was like a smooth stream of energy that was flowing in me from that universal powerful source and now I feel I am getting drained.

I have been seeing something floating in my room in the night for last couple of days on infrequent basis. I wake up in the middle of the night and see this image of an object or seem more like condensed white energy in my room that is floating around and feels like trying to get my attention. I know I might sound a bit weird but I promised to share all I am experience in life at the moment and here I am. Astonishing fact is that this energy is not scary at all. It has happened 5-6 times so far. I wake up in the middle of the night see this energy and go back to sleep and it feels like as if it’s just there and not to hurt me but just to be with me. Its white and I remember seeing some floating things last month and that was all black and it scared the hell out of me. I prayed in my heart and I was almost sinking in my heart all scared. But this time this energy is all white and it feels so pure. I am not sure whether it’s the lack of sleep as I have had enough for last few days at least or my sleeping pattern or the new place I moved into. But I saw the black energy/object in my old place whereas I can see the white ones here in the new place. I am not sure what is it all about really but my gut feeling is giving me an indication that my life is going to change and something big is going to happen and I am just getting prepared for it.

I am a science student and like to have a proof of everything that is real but I think I have also opened myself to see the truth and to be able to see beyond the obvious in the world. So I want to be ready for everything – if there is something I need to learn to achieve the peace and freedom in life. I told some of people I know at work about it and they laughed it off, not sure why I talked about it though may be because I didn’t believe it myself. Then today morning I told my flatmate and she advised me to throw anything that I might feel can carry some negative energy. I threw a teddy bear and few more things from my old place. Teddy I threw because the person who gave it to me was very depressed in life and often used to talk to the bear. And it might sound stupid but I thought maybe this might be carrying all the negative energy from that person to me. And when I don’t talk to the teddy (not many people do really) so it might be trying to get my attention. I know it sounds so odd and I can’t believe I am thinking like this as if it’s a script from a scary movie. But I like and respect my flatmate so I did as she suggested. She calls me an action girl as I act upon any suggestion very quickly if I think that can make any difference to make my life better. And I think that’s what I have learned in life to change things as soon as possible to make your life better as sometimes it gives you more pain not to change. Anyways I am hoping not to see anything anymore if it was because of those things. But part of me says that it was not the things it was something more that is trying to tell me something. Bigger than anything I have ever experienced. And it is only when I am sleeping I can see it because then only I am able to connect to my sub-conscious mind that knows it all. When we are conscious we think from our brain and decide on the basis of our most recent experience whereas when we are in sleep our conscious mind doesn’t interrupt the process of thought formation. That is also the reason we dream as it’s the sub-conscious mind that take over and starts working. I think this is enough for now. Let’s see how I go now and whether it was just a little malfunctioning of my senses or something real. I will keep you posted.