May 7 2013

What are my fears? People say I don’t have any…but let’s look at it

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I just got a very good idea from the comment section of my last post : https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/ from my amazing family of bloggers. specially when chandanimane mentioned it specifically after Jill London gave me a compliment by calling me fearless. I might have to think hard to name some good one but little ones can take more space here…lol…friends like them make you think harder about not only what you can do but also what you can’t and why and then turn these failures into success. Thanks to you my friends.

I know I can do sky diving but if I have to meet friends in a bar for instance then it’s hard for me to go there by myself and wait. I rather wait outside on the street somewhere till they actually turn up. There is a recent incidence regarding it where I was told the bar I was supposed to go and from location I knew the place well. I arrived a little early and my friends were a bit late so that made a gap of 30 minutes. I didn’t have any clue what to do now. I walked up and down the street few times and finally went to a shop for window shopping. I wanted to just go inside the bar at my own. But I couldn’t for some reason. May be because I have never done it before. But there is always a first for every thing. I thought about it in the shop and decided to go in no matter what. I saw the watch and still there were 10 minutes left. So I told myself – man up, its not a war zone you are entering girl. Then I finally walked in and I was so amazed at myself that I couldn’t even tell the bartender what I really wanted and was beating the bush for few minutes. But then I was able to finally get vodka with cranberry juice that too 2 PM in the afternoon. Very unusual of me…I know it was not a big deal, but to be honest sometimes I feel I can do things which people are scared of but at the same time I avoid doing simple things that takes not much effort.

So when we talk about fears, every one has some. I am thinking right now to come up with some as I am writing. I like trying new food at times but that’s another fear I am trying hard to overcome as I think I get used to of one good taste and I don’t like to experiment too much after that and can stick to one dish like pad Thai for a year. Insane right but I have done it… 🙂

  1. Fear of loneliness – I hate being by myself on the weekend…I have been working on this as of now
  2. Fear of boredom – I can’t stay alone and I figured it out because I get bored…although I have started working on this already from last weekend..Guys you know what I simply just can’t sit and do nothing…I am not one of those chick who can go to beach and just stay there for hours doing nothing although I wish sometime…either I have to keep swimming or just do something…Although it’s OK sometimes to be able to just relax and I am just learning to do this …after all I am in Australia so I need to be able to do that…..lol  I am just joking 😉
  3. Fear of being ignored – I think I like to be recognized and being seen and as I was a single child for long time before my brother came to the world and that makes it 7 years. Going to neighborhood was not really appreciated and I was good at studies so was always a teacher’s pet. Not anymore OK so please don’t think of making fun of me….lol
  4. Fear of rejection – I have written a complete post – Treatment of rejection – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/treatment-for-rejection/, about it and you know what after all that analysis I have done I am overcoming this to quiet an extent.
  5. Loosing my freedom – If you know me friends then you would know my way of living. I have a post to show more about my life here – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/what-keeps-me-alive-want-to-know-lets-have-a-look/. So now you can guess that it’s hard for me to lose this freedom and to this extent that I feel scared of being too close to people at times when they start to think that they have a say in my life and take my decision on my behalf or force their views on me. I don’t mind taking advice but I just don’t follow anyone blindly to be honest.
  6. Fear of unknown – I am a very planned person so it’s hard for me to stay in a situation where I don’t know what’s coming. Although I guess I have started to adapt on this area. Example: Hawaii trip was a big example where I had no plan and I had the most fun of my life. Here are few post (some with only pictures for quick look and others with some funny stories to tell about my trip there). Although I am still planning a lot of things as you can say but also learning to lose myself into things to enjoy it the same time https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/hawaii-day-1-started-with-a-stranger-and-ended-up-with-bunch-of-friends/                                                                        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/lanikai-beach-kailua-oahu-hawaii/        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/hawaii-here-i-come-here-begins-the-adventure/ https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/sunset-at-sunset-beach-with-amazing-creatures-hawaii/
  7. Fear of sickness – I think no one likes it and as we remember how bad it feels when we are sick so I am afraid of getting sick and try everything not to be sick
  8. Fear of missing an early morning flight – Oh dear…here it comes…I am so not a morning person to be frank here and I have also missed a morning 6 AM flight to Brisbane not that I slept in but as planned I was about to take the train to the airport but there were some issues with train track and I missed my flight by 5 minutes. This is not the reason of my fear though, I always panic to catch a flight early in the morning to such an extent that I have slept in the airport to catch few flights, or I should say not actually sleep but more over just snoozed. And I am not sure what to do about it really. Some times I just can’t sleep all night if there is something planned for early in the morning.
  9. Fear of dark and alone places in foreign places with guys in jacket with hood around – I have been in these situations few times and believe me it didn’t feel good. Although I get my extra senses quiet alert and I start thinking of all the possible ways to survive but it’s just the fear that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
  10. Fear of financial crisis – I do not like to be in short of money ever and I make sure I always plan my things and accordingly and I think this is my strength in a way I am so good at managing my money and budget really. But also I would not know how to live if I have no money. One of the reason I postponed to quit job and just go travel for as long as I want. Although I did quit and left my old job to do it but when I got another one then I couldn’t say no to it. Although there are some more reasons as well why I am back in Australia, but still I avoid being in financial crisis by all means.
  11. Fear  of public speaking – Oh yes, this is big on my list just like every one. If I have to give presentation I can do that but normally I am more like a one to one person really. So I become more quiet when in a group of new people. One of those shy ones…lol
  12. Fear of insects crawling on me – Ew..that’s not something I have ever been comfortable but would like to understand these creatures and over come my fear of the same one day.
  13. Fear to cook non vegetarian – I used to be vegetarian so I think I still can’t cook non-veg. I just started chicken on a flight where they just messed up with my meal and I had two choices – stay hungry or eat chicken, so there you go – I did it…I ate chicken so I am not vegetarian anymore but still prefer to eat vegetarian food only.
  14. Harrowing Heights – I don’t know how will I stand on the edge of a platform on top of a very high building
  15. Fear of blood – I usually lose my nerve a little when I see blood specially some one else’s
  16. Fear of violence – I can’t stand people starting to shout each other and then starting a fight
  17. Fear of confined space – Like a place where I can only crawl one way
  18. Fear of interviews – I just lose my nerve thinking of an interview no matter how good I am at things still I can feel butterfly in my stomach before any interview

Now I have talked about the fears so balance it out I would like to mention few things I have no fear as well. It’s for me to soothe myself and to tell myself that you are not just a scary baby my dear….lol

No fear for:

  1. Death
  2. Pain
  3. New adventure
  4. Heights
  5. Meeting strangers
  6. Visiting new places
  7. Doing some thing new
  8. Talking my mind
  9. Accepting advice and act upon it
  10. Accepting my faults
  11. Change
  12. Moving to a new country
  13. Doing what I like
  14. Achieving what I want
  15. Rejecting my own ideas
  16. Fear of commitment
  17. Fear of failure
  18. Initiate a conversation to strangers – I do it usually only when I am travelling though so its subjective really

Wow that worked out well….18 for 18 ..awesome …now I have a lot of work to do on my fears..as at least one of these will be in my bucket list item ’49 – Overcome one fear’ from my list at https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/.

Friends, here I am opening up more of who I am because of the warmth and awesome responses that you have given so far and this gives me that extra strength to be able to do that. Telling your weakness is not easy but it makes you stronger when you do. It makes you in-conquerable.

So I would love you to

  • Share some of your fears here or
  • Tell me how can I overcome mine or
  • Tell your experience of overcoming some of your fears or
  • Just anything really that you would like to tell us …may be just your thoughts about this post 🙂

50 comments on “What are my fears? People say I don’t have any…but let’s look at it”

  1. Since you are not afraid of visiting new places, meeting strangers, or doing something new…..perhaps you were afraid of going into the bar by yourself because of your fear of dark and alone places.
    I’m a little confused about one thing…
    You say you have a fear of the unknown. But, you also say you are not afraid of visiting new places, meeting strangers, doing something new, change, moving to a new country……ummmm….then you are not very frightened by the unknown.
    I am extremely afraid of financial crisis. So I am also very careful with finances. Afraid that I will be homeless one day, with no where to go. Even though I know I can live with very little…with no problem.
    I am afraid of forgetting (my blog is called “before I forget”). My dad died of complications from Alzheimer’s. My mother’s brother has Alzheimer’s. Every time I forget something……I wonder.

    Reply

    • Thanks a lot Mary for leaving your precious comments here…and we do share the same fear of financial crisis then..and thanks as you pointed out well about the bar as it does mix two of my fears (dark and loneliness).
      And about the unknown, I am afraid of unknown for example making no plans scares me and also going out to a bar when I don’t know much about what is going to happen ..other things are quiet not unknown anymore for me as I know what I need to do or in other terms I have lived it so many times really and know how to react …may be for the first time I might have those fears but now conquered…
      Have a very happy and wonderful life dear!

      Reply

    • Yes but place is not unknown as I usually do some research ..its unknown if I just go somewhere and I don’t know where it is till I get there…because of internet its easy to know a lot these days my dear friend..I think I should have explained little more about it…also meeting people is nothing unknown as it’s me talking to them only when I want and also adventure is in my blood so nothing unknown about it 😉

      Reply

  3. Quiet time for prayer and meditation drives out fear. In the end, I believe fear is the opposite of love, not hate. Love drives out fear. Sometimes that love is of this world, sometimes the love of the Creator. Yet I can avoid prayer time when I have a difficult situation and need it the most. I fear what prayer might bring.

    Reply

  4. i have a huge fear of heights which sad to say for me is extra limiting because my hubby flies, fixed wing and helo and back in the day was a base jumper. i do not have the courage to go in a small aircraft or helo with him that makes him sad.
    i found your comparison interesting, you are willing to jump but you don’t like to wait inside a place for friends but rather in nuetrality out on the street great contrast.

    Reply

  7. It’s funny that you say that you do not fear sky diving, but you fear waiting in a bar alone. I am much the same way. I do not fear death or pain, but meeting new people in a strange environment freaks me out a little.
    Also, I have been playing music my whole life, but I still am afraid to perform solo neither a group is okay, but not alone

    Reply

  8. I have your same fear (ex-fear now?) of going into a bar alone. I’ve never been able to do it. When I was dating my husband, before we were married, we were going to meet at a bar one evening and I told him to wait for me in the parking lot if he got there early. I got to the bar and I waited in the parking lot…and waited…and waited… It never occurred to me to look for his car because little did I know, if I had looked for it I would have realized… he’d GONE INSIDE! I swear, it almost broke us up. Here I am 30 years later, and I still can’t (or won’t) do it. 🙂

    Reply

  10. i entered a comment, but it disappeared!
    lucky all of us.
    i wuzz gonna say … not only izzit MMMpressive you can define and frame and identify your fears (and from other posts, other aspects or non-physical things like “fear” or “hope” etc.) by writing about them, with words — that you (like DonQuixote) are apparently not (too) afraid to ATTACK ’em head on.

    this very morning, while driving to a meeting (not too far from home, only 160-some miles) i thought what if … i could go and be present at any event in human history, it’d be just before the battle of Kuruksetra (as told in the Mahabharta)… what a powerful thing to be able to listen (and perhaps more than merely “hear”) Krishna relate the Bhagavad-Gita to Arjuna.

    it could well be that the one lesson to embrace, to hold, is to
    relinquish all identification with the fruits of one’s actions.

    but, still! TO ACT!

    Reply

    • thanks dear friend..u r so sweet to say that..I just cross of one item from my bucket list..hav a look..n its awesome to know that you know abt indian stories n interested in human history…we shud discuss about it more sometime..i m interested

      Reply

  11. Your honesty in your fears is likely to inspire other people. I am scared of spiders, don’t like them! I am not scared of the future because I have developed good ways to deal with issues along the way. Tools, I call them. Nice to find your blog and thanks for stopping by mine!

    Reply

  12. I do think I see the difference between the fear of the unknown and the non-fear of visiting new places and meeting strangers. As you said, as long as you plan ahead for the most part, you’re fine. I find it so interesting to learn about what makes a person tick and the differences between people due to nature and nurture. It actually surprised me to see that you’re afraid of public speaking. Most people I know who are outgoing and social don’t have a problem with it, but then again, one of my friends, who is an adjunct college instructor, told me that he was afraid to speak in front of a crowd until he taught classes a few times. I imagine that if you started to do it, you would adapt to it very quickly. Some of what you listed is only natural, and smart for many women, such as #9-the fear of dark and solitary places with guys in hoods around. What woman wouldn’t be cautious in that kind of situation? That is partly why I don’t like to go into bars alone either. It’s not any establishment I would have a problem with. For instance, I used to go to the movie theaters alone, and I would walk into a restaurant to wait for my friends to arrive, but at bars, I would be afraid that some random guy would try to hit on me and wouldn’t leave me alone. It’s just that kind of environment that gets me uneasy. Honestly, I think you and I are polar opposites in many areas. I’m a morning person, quiet and shy, and have no problem whatsoever spending days by myself. I fear death and pain and initiating conversations with strangers, but I have no fear of commitment. But there are similarities as well. I fear rejection, being ignored, the unknown, financial crises, public speaking, blood and anything to do with the medical establishment. Another phobia I have is having people sitting or standing behind me in a room for too long. I don’t know why it is, but when I’m in a classroom, I like to sit all the way in the back, or if I’m waiting in line, it had better move up quickly, or else I am prone to getting an anxiety attack. I can’t help but think that if only we can conquer our fears, our lives would be liberated and our world would be so much more expansive. I admire you for admitting to your fears and letting us learn more about you. It is comforting in its own way to know that we are all only human.

    Reply

  13. Such an intriguing post. Fears can be debilitating,but realizing what stirs our anxieties begins to put them at rest. Or at least we can be aware, and prepared.

    Thanks so much for following my poetry blog. 🙂

    Reply

    • So true dear…we think the same on this then and I am trying to make sure I overcome some of them as they limit our capability to do things in life at times.

      You have an awesome blog my dear Anna…lovely to read your poems..so creative and deep…would love to see your work regularly 🙂

      Reply

    • Thank you very much Michael for this honor..I will follow the rules soon..As I am waiting for the weekend to get some air and get back to my blogging world…last night I had an awesome networking event..I will share the details…it was just amazing to meet so many energetic people at one place..hope you are doing good dear! Have a wonderful day!

      Reply

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  16. Fear is a lack of openness to a situation, or a person, a lack of trust, the absence of love or the absence of compassion …
    We all have a lot to learn on this earth. Recognizing your fears is a big step forward.

    Reply

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  20. I agree with chandanimane; many of the things you list as fears are simply natural and possibly even what some would call “common sense.” Also, I think there’s a difference between reluctance and fear. I am reluctant to try certain foods, but that’s just because I don’t want to do it. If I wanted to try them but thought they were poison or might make me sick, that would be fear. Admittedly it’s a fine line, but one enables you to live the life you want, whereas the other limits you from doing things you’d really like to do. Hope that makes sense. To put it another way, sometimes refusing to do things you don’t want to do is a form of courage, particularly when friends are pressuring you to do something you have no interest in doing.

    Based on what you’ve said about the things you don’t fear, you seem to be a relatively bold person who loves life!

    Reply

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  25. Numbers 2 & 5 don’t surprise me, I don’t see you as someone who will suffer being bored or giving up your freedom! But 6 surprised me, maybe you are better at coping with the unknown than you realised or are overcoming this fear? I know how we see ourselves is not always the same thing as how others see us!
    I am scared of spiders and, like you, violence makes me very unhappy and uncomfortable. I love your beautiful picture here, too! Kavita off on an adventure 🙂

    Reply

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        • I am back safe and sore Andreas..don’t worry I am enjoying the journey of life and trying to stay safe while enjoying this roller coaster…I wouldn’t give any comment on getting killed but will think that I hope no one tries to push me outside this train of life after all I did pay the full ticket 😉 Also my journey still seems to bring a lot more adventure and surprises although I would be ready to welcome death with a big smile in case it comes early as I feel I have tried to live it all and death can’t take that away from me 🙂 And it was awesome fun really and I will post soon about it on my blog 🙂

          Reply

  28. my fears list would include half of those from ur fears & half from ur no fears 🙂
    change, pain, strangers, public speaking, violence, interviews, boredom etc should count the most 😀

    Reply

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