Rejection – Ouch, yes that hurts. And trust me I know and I think most of knows how that feels. Because everyone has a taste of this feeling once in a while in life. Why don’t we talk about it as it might make a difference the way we look at it, and may be next time when it happens we get over it quickly. Or if we are feeling it right now then this is what exactly you need to know to be able to bring that smile back on your face. Oh, now I sound like a psychologist which I am not. I am writing this as I had an incident yesterday that made me feel this emotion after a long time and like a rebel I was fighting to accept it. Then I had a chat with my flatmate and she shared her experience and said that don’t take it personally. I couldn’t understand it that moment. But after a while when I sat down and thought about it, it made perfect sense and I would like to share my thoughts with you.
To cure anything we need to understand it well. So in this scenario we need to understand what rejection is, at least for once. Social acceptance impacts our life big time in general in creating our perception of the world and people around us. A lot of times it influences our decisions and actions. Rejection can impact our emotional, cognitional and physical health. Its a very basic need of human – the feeling of belonging. It’s a social need to have relationships that makes us happy. So now we know why we feel bad when we feel rejected as our basic need is not met in some way.
There are various ways in this modern society through which people can reject each other. Some of the examples are:
- Some one rejects your add request in a online social network (example: Facebook, dating sites etc)
- Some one deletes you from their online social network
- You are excluded from the email sent out for lunch in office
- Dumped by a romantic partner
- Dumped by a friend in some situation you expected them to be there with you
- Failure to get a job you were interviewed for
- No appreciation of the food you cooked for some one by putting so much effort
- No gratitude of the gift you bought for someone
- Less or no recognition of your work in office or at home
- You ideas are not heard
The worst thing that we can do in this or any bad situation is – not accepting it. We can never cure something that we do not accept is happening or has happened. Its simply not possible as we will keep avoiding it and never give any attention to it. And also many things that we start doing in a wrong manner trying to avoid accepting rejection. Like:
- Stop participating in that activity where we felt rejected
- Remove ourselves from the online social networks ourselves
- Avoid talking to people around
- Feel depressed
- Indulge into other activities to forget about this feeling
A lot of people will think why I am doing the intersection of this whole situation – what’s the point. Number 1 – Its not about changing the past (what has already happened). Its about making sure the damage is properly fixed, here its our head and heart in danger
Number 2 – Its always better to learn from things and be prepared when we encounter the same situation in future. As its normal to make a mistake but stupid to make it many times (at least we can try not to be stupid and then keep blaming the world for it)
I might sound harsh but that’s what you are supposed to do when we get injured or shot by a bullet. You can’t be crying all day and be nice to yourself. You got to treat it and sometimes we have to take medicine that doesn’t taste well or operate it with even more pain to get the bullet out. All I am saying it face it.
So how do we treat rejection – yes, I have put it as if its a disease or an injury. But I would recommend just take it as an injury and we will follow the same procedure as if treating an injury. Scientific research have proved that pain that you feel when rejected is almost similar to the pain in injury. Hence why not we treat it the same as well – this way it is easy to detach yourself and not take it personally and faster to heal as well. So why not we become more logical to resolve problems whether mental or physical.
We human are known to put our brains where you need to use your heart and put your heart where we need to use our brain. And after all these of experiences I believe very much in this. You can have your own opinion for sure and I do respect that as well.
Coming back to the important part – How the treatment should start?
- First recognize the feeling (upset, sad, anger) properly – symptom (change in behaviour) , source (people most of the times and few times system and processes), affected areas (of course your heart).
- Now accept that it has happened – it might cause you some tears but trust me its worth shedding them if needed
- Now that we have accepted it has happened that means we have a problem in hand which earlier we didn’t’ t want to even think or know about
- Now its easy to look at it as if its someone else’s issue as third party and have sympathy with yourself
- Make sure you do tell your self its not personal and it has got nothing to do with you. You got hit by a ball in the eye that doesn’t mean that you should have not played that game or something. Many times its the other end that has the reason of rejecting you or your ideas. Nothing to do with you. This is more about what other side thinks. That can be further based upon their knowledge or life experiences that in turn can be limited or too big.
- So now that the damage has been done start the treating the place with soothing medicine and in this case the soothing solution is to give your heart more love and get in touch with friends and family to fill the gap that has been created by sadness and sorrow.
- Now next step is you have done what you could try, need to rest and let it heal. Sometimes we have habit to keep scratching our injured parts, but that never heals. The more you think it will still need time to heal as time is the ultimate healer of all things. Few things can’t be fast processed, feelings are one of them. If they do, trust me its not natural.
- Then Move on. Start living your life the way you would have lived as if the incident didn’t happen as it will help you start a normal life and minimize the impact
Now having said all this – I hope you have a happier and healthy life!