What are my fears? People say I don’t have any…but let’s look at it

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I just got a very good idea from the comment section of my last post : https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/ from my amazing family of bloggers. specially when chandanimane mentioned it specifically after Jill London gave me a compliment by calling me fearless. I might have to think hard to name some good one but little ones can take more space here…lol…friends like them make you think harder about not only what you can do but also what you can’t and why and then turn these failures into success. Thanks to you my friends.

I know I can do sky diving but if I have to meet friends in a bar for instance then it’s hard for me to go there by myself and wait. I rather wait outside on the street somewhere till they actually turn up. There is a recent incidence regarding it where I was told the bar I was supposed to go and from location I knew the place well. I arrived a little early and my friends were a bit late so that made a gap of 30 minutes. I didn’t have any clue what to do now. I walked up and down the street few times and finally went to a shop for window shopping. I wanted to just go inside the bar at my own. But I couldn’t for some reason. May be because I have never done it before. But there is always a first for every thing. I thought about it in the shop and decided to go in no matter what. I saw the watch and still there were 10 minutes left. So I told myself – man up, its not a war zone you are entering girl. Then I finally walked in and I was so amazed at myself that I couldn’t even tell the bartender what I really wanted and was beating the bush for few minutes. But then I was able to finally get vodka with cranberry juice that too 2 PM in the afternoon. Very unusual of me…I know it was not a big deal, but to be honest sometimes I feel I can do things which people are scared of but at the same time I avoid doing simple things that takes not much effort.

So when we talk about fears, every one has some. I am thinking right now to come up with some as I am writing. I like trying new food at times but that’s another fear I am trying hard to overcome as I think I get used to of one good taste and I don’t like to experiment too much after that and can stick to one dish like pad Thai for a year. Insane right but I have done it… 🙂

  1. Fear of loneliness – I hate being by myself on the weekend…I have been working on this as of now
  2. Fear of boredom – I can’t stay alone and I figured it out because I get bored…although I have started working on this already from last weekend..Guys you know what I simply just can’t sit and do nothing…I am not one of those chick who can go to beach and just stay there for hours doing nothing although I wish sometime…either I have to keep swimming or just do something…Although it’s OK sometimes to be able to just relax and I am just learning to do this …after all I am in Australia so I need to be able to do that…..lol  I am just joking 😉
  3. Fear of being ignored – I think I like to be recognized and being seen and as I was a single child for long time before my brother came to the world and that makes it 7 years. Going to neighborhood was not really appreciated and I was good at studies so was always a teacher’s pet. Not anymore OK so please don’t think of making fun of me….lol
  4. Fear of rejection – I have written a complete post – Treatment of rejection – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/treatment-for-rejection/, about it and you know what after all that analysis I have done I am overcoming this to quiet an extent.
  5. Loosing my freedom – If you know me friends then you would know my way of living. I have a post to show more about my life here – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/what-keeps-me-alive-want-to-know-lets-have-a-look/. So now you can guess that it’s hard for me to lose this freedom and to this extent that I feel scared of being too close to people at times when they start to think that they have a say in my life and take my decision on my behalf or force their views on me. I don’t mind taking advice but I just don’t follow anyone blindly to be honest.
  6. Fear of unknown – I am a very planned person so it’s hard for me to stay in a situation where I don’t know what’s coming. Although I guess I have started to adapt on this area. Example: Hawaii trip was a big example where I had no plan and I had the most fun of my life. Here are few post (some with only pictures for quick look and others with some funny stories to tell about my trip there). Although I am still planning a lot of things as you can say but also learning to lose myself into things to enjoy it the same time https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/hawaii-day-1-started-with-a-stranger-and-ended-up-with-bunch-of-friends/                                                                        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/lanikai-beach-kailua-oahu-hawaii/        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/hawaii-here-i-come-here-begins-the-adventure/ https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/sunset-at-sunset-beach-with-amazing-creatures-hawaii/
  7. Fear of sickness – I think no one likes it and as we remember how bad it feels when we are sick so I am afraid of getting sick and try everything not to be sick
  8. Fear of missing an early morning flight – Oh dear…here it comes…I am so not a morning person to be frank here and I have also missed a morning 6 AM flight to Brisbane not that I slept in but as planned I was about to take the train to the airport but there were some issues with train track and I missed my flight by 5 minutes. This is not the reason of my fear though, I always panic to catch a flight early in the morning to such an extent that I have slept in the airport to catch few flights, or I should say not actually sleep but more over just snoozed. And I am not sure what to do about it really. Some times I just can’t sleep all night if there is something planned for early in the morning.
  9. Fear of dark and alone places in foreign places with guys in jacket with hood around – I have been in these situations few times and believe me it didn’t feel good. Although I get my extra senses quiet alert and I start thinking of all the possible ways to survive but it’s just the fear that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
  10. Fear of financial crisis – I do not like to be in short of money ever and I make sure I always plan my things and accordingly and I think this is my strength in a way I am so good at managing my money and budget really. But also I would not know how to live if I have no money. One of the reason I postponed to quit job and just go travel for as long as I want. Although I did quit and left my old job to do it but when I got another one then I couldn’t say no to it. Although there are some more reasons as well why I am back in Australia, but still I avoid being in financial crisis by all means.
  11. Fear  of public speaking – Oh yes, this is big on my list just like every one. If I have to give presentation I can do that but normally I am more like a one to one person really. So I become more quiet when in a group of new people. One of those shy ones…lol
  12. Fear of insects crawling on me – Ew..that’s not something I have ever been comfortable but would like to understand these creatures and over come my fear of the same one day.
  13. Fear to cook non vegetarian – I used to be vegetarian so I think I still can’t cook non-veg. I just started chicken on a flight where they just messed up with my meal and I had two choices – stay hungry or eat chicken, so there you go – I did it…I ate chicken so I am not vegetarian anymore but still prefer to eat vegetarian food only.
  14. Harrowing Heights – I don’t know how will I stand on the edge of a platform on top of a very high building
  15. Fear of blood – I usually lose my nerve a little when I see blood specially some one else’s
  16. Fear of violence – I can’t stand people starting to shout each other and then starting a fight
  17. Fear of confined space – Like a place where I can only crawl one way
  18. Fear of interviews – I just lose my nerve thinking of an interview no matter how good I am at things still I can feel butterfly in my stomach before any interview

Now I have talked about the fears so balance it out I would like to mention few things I have no fear as well. It’s for me to soothe myself and to tell myself that you are not just a scary baby my dear….lol

No fear for:

  1. Death
  2. Pain
  3. New adventure
  4. Heights
  5. Meeting strangers
  6. Visiting new places
  7. Doing some thing new
  8. Talking my mind
  9. Accepting advice and act upon it
  10. Accepting my faults
  11. Change
  12. Moving to a new country
  13. Doing what I like
  14. Achieving what I want
  15. Rejecting my own ideas
  16. Fear of commitment
  17. Fear of failure
  18. Initiate a conversation to strangers – I do it usually only when I am travelling though so its subjective really

Wow that worked out well….18 for 18 ..awesome …now I have a lot of work to do on my fears..as at least one of these will be in my bucket list item ’49 – Overcome one fear’ from my list at https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/.

Friends, here I am opening up more of who I am because of the warmth and awesome responses that you have given so far and this gives me that extra strength to be able to do that. Telling your weakness is not easy but it makes you stronger when you do. It makes you in-conquerable.

So I would love you to

  • Share some of your fears here or
  • Tell me how can I overcome mine or
  • Tell your experience of overcoming some of your fears or
  • Just anything really that you would like to tell us …may be just your thoughts about this post 🙂

Life as we know it – Learn the Truth (Part 4)

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Links to the last few posts in this series –

https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/17/unlearn-to-learn-the-truth-part-3-sky-high-angels-and-god/

https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/unlearn-to-learn-the-truth-part-2/

https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/13/unlearn-to-learn-the-truth-part-1/

Note: No connection but you will find it interesting to have a look I am sure.

Days when you feel as if you have achieved nothing, moments that pass without registering your presence. Life as we know it has different phases and cycles everyday. All you can do is to accept. We all are humans, very prone to errors and mistakes – we all are social creatures bound to love and hate. Sometimes its love that gives us a lesson, the other times its the feeling of hatred that leaves the imprint on our heart. But we all are part of this infinite universe, playing different roles in life. Dreaming, when we can, moving forward when we can, complaining, procrastinating, cribbing over small or big things in life.

One day it all changes by some harsh and true words or fatal accident or illness or close encounters to death. We stop for a moment and realize its all for nothing. We try to cling onto things that will never matter in our life one day. We try to get attached to things that we wouldn’t exist in future. We all think that things will make us happy, but it will hardly last long. So what now when we have already lived our lives chasing things that never important. Things that didn’t last long in our life. What can we do now to undo what has already been done.

Change is what make us think this and change is the answer to this as well. We can not travel back in time, but we need to realize that time spent thinking about past is also not going to make a big difference. All you can do is focus in the present. Mind you, not even future is in our control as that is the place nobody can go to until unless it transform into present one day.

Remember we are born and given a life with a simple task – to live. Is that so difficult to do? We are basically designed to do that only. How to live? Is that what you are thinking? Or is that not what we are doing already? Either way you should do some retrospection really. And see how many of us are actually are sleeping properly or eating properly. Now I might start sounding a bit harsh when I say – All we are doing is being lazy and stuck in this cycle of daily routine and then our sub-conscious mind take over and we almost switch off our brain from time to time as there is nothing much to think about. We are prone to get accustomed to habits and in today world we get accustomed to not doing new things very often in life. We simply don’t like change.

Do you want to know what’s right and what’s wrong then? Get the basics right then. No point of reading a lot and get a lot of theory in your mind and keep yourself even more puzzled. Its like trying to remembering the complex formulas of mathematics whereas the basic formulas are not clear. When we start studying, the first thing we learn is fundamentals and when you are done with it, then you move to something more challenging. Till then you keep practicing the basics.

Do you want to know what’s happening with most of us today? We have forgotten the basics and we are stuck with those complex formulas and we are trying so hard to fit those into life and make some sense of it. Let’s take a simple example of eating habit. How many of us will say that their eating habits are perfectly good? Not many I believe. In today’s modern world we are so much dependent on fast food and preserved food. Even think of skipping a meal for working harder at times. Is it worth? Why are you working – I know not for food only its for your brain but how can you expect a car to perform the best with no fuel? Other than gym or some exercise, do you really listen to your body? We are pushing ourselves over the limits with things these days. And then what about soul.

We are not just body but soul as well. What are we doing for it then? We want to have the world to ourselves at time, we want money, success and a lot more. But we you think you can handle it all when we can’t even take care of the most precious gift that God has given us – body, mind and soul. Can you replace them ever – No. So what’s the rush to achieve everything whereas you have the most of the universe – yourself. Stop for a moment, think and try to take this all in and think about it. I might sound a but preachy here but truth is true words don’t taste good similarly as medicine is not always sweet but its important to heal from it. Similarly we need to work on ourselves to heal our broken heart, heal our bashed body and heal our mind for a healthy mind, body and soul. That’s when you need to think about other things when you are capable enough to take care of yourselves first.

Note: I was so sleepy writing this that I didn’t really care much about making it at a polite note so hope you take the crux and don’t mind the harsh tone. Although sometimes we need to be jolted to wake up from this sleepy way of living. 🙂 Have a healthy mind, soul and body that will lead to a happy life!

 

My journey from a thinker to an observer

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I used to keep thinking about ‘stuff’ all the time whether in train or bus on foot. I never realised that there were so many things happening around me all the times that I kept missing because I was too observed in myself most of the times.

Since I have started travelling and taking pictures I realised that I have changed – changed from a thinker to an observer. No matter where I am – in a bus, plane, train or street, I observe most of the things around me. Is it good or bad? Good of course as I am able to appreciate my surroundings and feel more aware. And how does that help? Yes, it does believe me as this way I am living in the present rather focusing my energy either on past events or future plans.

This does not mean that I have stopped thinking but only when needed and not like a lost soul in her thoughts all the time. It is amazing as I don’t feel sad about things in past and I don’t feel pressurized but the future plans. All I am doing is just live the present and accept things as they happen. It feels very different as I am the kind of person who is more indulged in past and future than present usually. And not to mention it always makes me feel either frustrated/sad/hasty/excited/pressurized thinking about stuff that I could have done differently or things I have to do in near future. Where the truth is I can’t change the past and future is yet not there. All I can do is planning for future in an organized way possible and then leave it for the time being till it become present to actually execute it.

I feel freer as well as living in the present means only to deal with things that are there in front of you and not to burden yourself with everything else in the world. This is what Mahatma Gandhi said that one should live his/her life as if he/she is going to die the very next day. And I think travelling has changed my habit in such a way that I am indirectly living my life that way only.

Happiness Connection – Part 1

The true purpose of our life is to be happy. Now does it means that I should go out there and do whatever makes me happy even if that means drinking alcohol, smoking, eating fast food or harming some one. No, not at all. And there comes the concept of ‘connection of happiness’. We associate happiness with a lot of things and many times they are not right. For example eating sweets to make ourselves happy when we are sad or drinking alcohol to get over some one. These are the associations that we train our brain with for years of practice. 

Stop right there and list all such habits that deep inside you know are not good for you. This will not stop you from doing it but awareness is the first step. Until unless we accept that any habit is not good for us, we are not going to leave it. So it is the choice that we need to make first to know what are the things that we are doing are not good for us. Its like doing the diagnosis of a disease, only then it can be cured. 

Step 2 is to decide that you want to change the connection of happiness from wrong habits to healthy and right habits. Also you are the one who is supposed to define right or wrong as for some one it can be for a run every time they get sad and for another it might be meeting a friend and talk about it. Its also a matter of convenience and available options. So it is important to give your self some options before strictly adhering to the new habits. Most of the times we do not stick to the new habits because we assume there is only one choice and if we can’t stick to it then we are a failure and we get even more sad and end up returning back to the old habits to be happy. To get out of this loop we need to give ourselves rating from 10 to 1 and 1 means that we at least tried and this way we never are a failure and its just a matter of getting more or less points. Remember that while deciding to change the connection of happiness from the bad habits to good habits we are actually choosing a path and once we choose a path then we are no longer on the old way. I would suggest start visualizing this and then you would feel it is so easy to follow. 

Step 3 is practicing the new habits consciously. Any habit takes time to form therefore replacing a habit also takes a cycle. Our brain is very powerful but its like like wild horse that is jumping around all the time and its hard to train it. We need to understand that its our asset that we need to take care of and our baby that we need to nurture as well. Do not be harsh on yourself and have patience in teaching your brain the right things. Take time and be patient, the more gentle you would be the more calm the brain will become. The more strict you will treat it, the more wilder it will start behaving. Practice every day in the morning or what ever time suits you to calm down and tell your brain the right things. Tell stories to yourself just like we used to do in our childhood (reading loud) and believe me it works and it works very well. 

I will share more insight into this as we move forward. I am also just practicing these things as you are reading this. So there is a lot to come. Be happy with the right connection!

Unlearn – To Learn the Truth (Part 1)

What do I need to do next to know the truth? In present I am full of the biased learning, perceptions, judgments, limits, fear and a lot more other things. How can you fill the glass when it is already full. And that’s where I am at the moment. Only willing to learn doesn’t really help in learning something, it is also very important that we unlearn the things in life to be able to accept the new truth. At times we ask or pray to get things but we are not ready for it. It is like asking some one to come to visit us but either we do not have time for that person or no place to entertain. So how any new knowledge is going to help if we do not have space to store it.

I think it is the reason that although the truth is simple and in front of me but I can not see it. Because I am full and can not take any new knowledge until I actually unlearn. How do we know whatever we know whether it is the truth or not? Some will say that it is the result of all the knowledge stored in books, some will say that these are the findings from the efforts of many intellectual people. But then how do I know they knew the truth or they perceived it right. Is it right to question everything? May be not if we think we might unlearn what we do at our job as well. But that is not the case as we are talking about the spiritual leaning here. Learning about the journey of this beautiful life.

I believe in the power of imagination. Also I believe that we are part of universe and universe is part of us and we all contain the same energy then don’t we have all the knowledge stored in us. And we deeply know everything. Its just that we put limits to everything and we see things only as we want to see and close our eyes to rest of the universe. We make ourselves small and limited whereas the universe has a lot to offer.

I want to look into myself rather than seeking everywhere else for this knowledge and the truth. As no matter where we go in the world, truth is inside us only. All we have got to do it know ourselves. And I think we miss this only as its simple and we are used to of resolving complicated stuff and do not give much attention to simple things in life.