You got to have hope and a smile – Rest will follow

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“I would rather be dreaming than living,
Living is just too hard to do.
Its chances not choices,
Noises not voices, Day is just to hard to get through.”

These lines made me think how easy it is sometimes to loose hope. But rough times are only there to remind us that we need to change whatever we are doing and get back to the good things to make it a better start and a better life for ourselves. I have changed, in last one year my life has taken several turns and as a person I have developed a lot, learned a lot and found a new me. In this journey I went through different phases – phase when I was giggly, phase when I was calm and happy, phase when I was upset, phase when I was sad and depressed, phase when I had this unknown fear of new things, phase when I found this new courage in me to do stuff which I never thought I could do before. It was amazing how life has changed so much in just one year. Now when I look back and see where I was and where I have come, I can see what all choices I made and what all options I created myself. I would never regret any of it and if given a second chance I don’t think I would like to change any thing either. I am standing in a booth in the airport, about to embark on another adventure this year, thinking how many people I have met and how many lives I have learned about. The roller coaster of emotions have been overwhelming at times and I have been stubborn not to face the truth several times but yet I have come so far and that’s what makes us all who we are. We keep going in this journey of life and things happen but the truth is ‘it shall too pass’ no matter what. Thats’ why it’s very important to keep your head down a little when time is bad and think ‘it shall too pass’ and keep the light shining in your eyes when you know time is little to enjoy the good things that are happening in life. Make choices that comes from your heart and every once in a while try to disconnect yourself from rest of the world and think about who you are and what you would like to do if rest of the world didn’t exist or didn’t matter, those would be few things that would lead you to the light hidden in your subconscious that might be worth discovering.

I am still learning, every day and every moment as some passes me in my sleep and some catches my fancy when I am awake. But this journey is worth enjoying as we don’t have another life to wait for or loose this one to find another one. Things that haven’t happened yet doesn’t exist in this universe, things that have happened are lost on the way, only things that are happening to you are worth thinking about and living those moments in them. Rest all is just a creativity of your mind as not even a single thing other than present is really true. So try not to focus on past too much as it would take away the time you have to relish your present and don’t plan too much for future as that might have nothing to do with your imagination. I don’t say leave everything and chase your dream yet as before that you might have to go on a journey of self discovery and then only you would know what dreams are real and what are just fantasy that you just picked up on the way. As while going through my own self discovery journey I have learned that the dreams that I had when I was a child have changed quiet a lot. I have got a different understanding of the world and more awareness of myself. I would still like to stay in touch with myself and learn more and more about this world and myself and things are changing every moment as I am writing this and as you are reading this. But that’s brings variety in life as change is the only constant and we need to learn to change in order to survive or rather I should say that we should become change and rest will follow.

With hope and smile, welcome every new day. It might be sunny and beautiful someday whereas it might be raining and cloudy some other times (as we have in Sydney these days). But remember ‘this shall too pass’. Life is not hard its just the choices we make some time that lead us to certain difficulty in life. And once we are aware of this then we make an effort to give it a thought before making any choice. I don’t say wait for too long as the opportunity might pass otherwise but don’t get into mad rush and run blindly everywhere. Open your eyes as even if you end up on a difficult path you would be able to figure out a way out.

To all my friends out there in sadness and happiness, in need of a friend or in need of a voice to help them. This might not give you everything you need but this might help you to think few things on your own and find your own path in life.

Regards,

Kavita

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What are my fears? People say I don’t have any…but let’s look at it

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I just got a very good idea from the comment section of my last post : https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/ from my amazing family of bloggers. specially when chandanimane mentioned it specifically after Jill London gave me a compliment by calling me fearless. I might have to think hard to name some good one but little ones can take more space here…lol…friends like them make you think harder about not only what you can do but also what you can’t and why and then turn these failures into success. Thanks to you my friends.

I know I can do sky diving but if I have to meet friends in a bar for instance then it’s hard for me to go there by myself and wait. I rather wait outside on the street somewhere till they actually turn up. There is a recent incidence regarding it where I was told the bar I was supposed to go and from location I knew the place well. I arrived a little early and my friends were a bit late so that made a gap of 30 minutes. I didn’t have any clue what to do now. I walked up and down the street few times and finally went to a shop for window shopping. I wanted to just go inside the bar at my own. But I couldn’t for some reason. May be because I have never done it before. But there is always a first for every thing. I thought about it in the shop and decided to go in no matter what. I saw the watch and still there were 10 minutes left. So I told myself – man up, its not a war zone you are entering girl. Then I finally walked in and I was so amazed at myself that I couldn’t even tell the bartender what I really wanted and was beating the bush for few minutes. But then I was able to finally get vodka with cranberry juice that too 2 PM in the afternoon. Very unusual of me…I know it was not a big deal, but to be honest sometimes I feel I can do things which people are scared of but at the same time I avoid doing simple things that takes not much effort.

So when we talk about fears, every one has some. I am thinking right now to come up with some as I am writing. I like trying new food at times but that’s another fear I am trying hard to overcome as I think I get used to of one good taste and I don’t like to experiment too much after that and can stick to one dish like pad Thai for a year. Insane right but I have done it… 🙂

  1. Fear of loneliness – I hate being by myself on the weekend…I have been working on this as of now
  2. Fear of boredom – I can’t stay alone and I figured it out because I get bored…although I have started working on this already from last weekend..Guys you know what I simply just can’t sit and do nothing…I am not one of those chick who can go to beach and just stay there for hours doing nothing although I wish sometime…either I have to keep swimming or just do something…Although it’s OK sometimes to be able to just relax and I am just learning to do this …after all I am in Australia so I need to be able to do that…..lol  I am just joking 😉
  3. Fear of being ignored – I think I like to be recognized and being seen and as I was a single child for long time before my brother came to the world and that makes it 7 years. Going to neighborhood was not really appreciated and I was good at studies so was always a teacher’s pet. Not anymore OK so please don’t think of making fun of me….lol
  4. Fear of rejection – I have written a complete post – Treatment of rejection – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/treatment-for-rejection/, about it and you know what after all that analysis I have done I am overcoming this to quiet an extent.
  5. Loosing my freedom – If you know me friends then you would know my way of living. I have a post to show more about my life here – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/what-keeps-me-alive-want-to-know-lets-have-a-look/. So now you can guess that it’s hard for me to lose this freedom and to this extent that I feel scared of being too close to people at times when they start to think that they have a say in my life and take my decision on my behalf or force their views on me. I don’t mind taking advice but I just don’t follow anyone blindly to be honest.
  6. Fear of unknown – I am a very planned person so it’s hard for me to stay in a situation where I don’t know what’s coming. Although I guess I have started to adapt on this area. Example: Hawaii trip was a big example where I had no plan and I had the most fun of my life. Here are few post (some with only pictures for quick look and others with some funny stories to tell about my trip there). Although I am still planning a lot of things as you can say but also learning to lose myself into things to enjoy it the same time https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/hawaii-day-1-started-with-a-stranger-and-ended-up-with-bunch-of-friends/                                                                        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/lanikai-beach-kailua-oahu-hawaii/        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/hawaii-here-i-come-here-begins-the-adventure/ https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/sunset-at-sunset-beach-with-amazing-creatures-hawaii/
  7. Fear of sickness – I think no one likes it and as we remember how bad it feels when we are sick so I am afraid of getting sick and try everything not to be sick
  8. Fear of missing an early morning flight – Oh dear…here it comes…I am so not a morning person to be frank here and I have also missed a morning 6 AM flight to Brisbane not that I slept in but as planned I was about to take the train to the airport but there were some issues with train track and I missed my flight by 5 minutes. This is not the reason of my fear though, I always panic to catch a flight early in the morning to such an extent that I have slept in the airport to catch few flights, or I should say not actually sleep but more over just snoozed. And I am not sure what to do about it really. Some times I just can’t sleep all night if there is something planned for early in the morning.
  9. Fear of dark and alone places in foreign places with guys in jacket with hood around – I have been in these situations few times and believe me it didn’t feel good. Although I get my extra senses quiet alert and I start thinking of all the possible ways to survive but it’s just the fear that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
  10. Fear of financial crisis – I do not like to be in short of money ever and I make sure I always plan my things and accordingly and I think this is my strength in a way I am so good at managing my money and budget really. But also I would not know how to live if I have no money. One of the reason I postponed to quit job and just go travel for as long as I want. Although I did quit and left my old job to do it but when I got another one then I couldn’t say no to it. Although there are some more reasons as well why I am back in Australia, but still I avoid being in financial crisis by all means.
  11. Fear  of public speaking – Oh yes, this is big on my list just like every one. If I have to give presentation I can do that but normally I am more like a one to one person really. So I become more quiet when in a group of new people. One of those shy ones…lol
  12. Fear of insects crawling on me – Ew..that’s not something I have ever been comfortable but would like to understand these creatures and over come my fear of the same one day.
  13. Fear to cook non vegetarian – I used to be vegetarian so I think I still can’t cook non-veg. I just started chicken on a flight where they just messed up with my meal and I had two choices – stay hungry or eat chicken, so there you go – I did it…I ate chicken so I am not vegetarian anymore but still prefer to eat vegetarian food only.
  14. Harrowing Heights – I don’t know how will I stand on the edge of a platform on top of a very high building
  15. Fear of blood – I usually lose my nerve a little when I see blood specially some one else’s
  16. Fear of violence – I can’t stand people starting to shout each other and then starting a fight
  17. Fear of confined space – Like a place where I can only crawl one way
  18. Fear of interviews – I just lose my nerve thinking of an interview no matter how good I am at things still I can feel butterfly in my stomach before any interview

Now I have talked about the fears so balance it out I would like to mention few things I have no fear as well. It’s for me to soothe myself and to tell myself that you are not just a scary baby my dear….lol

No fear for:

  1. Death
  2. Pain
  3. New adventure
  4. Heights
  5. Meeting strangers
  6. Visiting new places
  7. Doing some thing new
  8. Talking my mind
  9. Accepting advice and act upon it
  10. Accepting my faults
  11. Change
  12. Moving to a new country
  13. Doing what I like
  14. Achieving what I want
  15. Rejecting my own ideas
  16. Fear of commitment
  17. Fear of failure
  18. Initiate a conversation to strangers – I do it usually only when I am travelling though so its subjective really

Wow that worked out well….18 for 18 ..awesome …now I have a lot of work to do on my fears..as at least one of these will be in my bucket list item ’49 – Overcome one fear’ from my list at https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/.

Friends, here I am opening up more of who I am because of the warmth and awesome responses that you have given so far and this gives me that extra strength to be able to do that. Telling your weakness is not easy but it makes you stronger when you do. It makes you in-conquerable.

So I would love you to

  • Share some of your fears here or
  • Tell me how can I overcome mine or
  • Tell your experience of overcoming some of your fears or
  • Just anything really that you would like to tell us …may be just your thoughts about this post 🙂

Let Go – Gift for yourself (Part 1)

We hold on to things since we are born. We clutch our hands on whatever things we can as a baby. May be because we leave a world where we felt safe and secure for almost 9 months and then we came to this world full of people and new scenery. It’s the feeling of belonging that we all want. Although sometimes we mix that with things and emotions and memories. We are good with sticking to habits but not very good in choosing them consciously first. And since childhood we start to see the change in everything around us. If we can make ourselves flexible to do that then it is ideal. But not all of us can cope with changes that take place around us all the time and we try to hold on to different things, emotions, memories to keep ourselves in an impression that things are the same and we are living the similar life as we used to.

It hurts when we start holding on to negative emotions like anger or feeling of revenge. Any such emotions leads to frustration and as found by science that emotions work as “on-off switch” for learning. And every day we have to learn or use our brain productively most of the time. Once we have the negative feelings then our brain interpret any information as negative and we lose interest quickly. And if we are happy then the brain interprets the same information as positive and sends a message of purpose and excitement that in turn directs the behaviour towards a goal.

Just like food, it is very important what we feed our brain as well. And we are not referring to the information but rather talking about the emotions as they are the key drivers of how we are going to perceive that information and how effectively we are going to make use of it. You must have observed when we are sad or grumpy we tend to miss bits and pieces of information that we either read or watch in television. Whereas when we are emotionally light or I would say emotionally available then we are more focused on what we are reading/watching.

Let go of such emotions. Holding on to old things is not as bad as holding on to the old grudges. Every time someone either treat us bad or make us do things forcefully, we get angry and if we hold on to that anger then it stirs the negative energy in us from time to time. Also if we have fear in us about failure in life or work then again that emotion drives our behaviour. We will have to first learn what emotions we might be holding on to. We can do some exercises like writing down the past memories that still makes us feel bad and observe how we feel when we think about it. Most of the emotions can be related to fear and anger. Now I understand that process of let go is not as easy as we say. But I would say that take it as a decision you make. We never harm anyone else by hating them or fearing them but we are our own enemy when we do that. It hurts us and no one else. So why not give yourself a gift and let go of such emotions. Forgiveness is the best way to do it. Decide that you want to forgive people who hurt you. Decide that you want to change the association of your fear to certain situations and see them in new light.

It’s just a start and I am going to write more about how we can use various techniques to let go as we move on. I would like to hear your perspective and problems that you face when you try to let go. As I am no expert but I am trying to let go as well. Why not we do it together as we all need support when we try to become a better and happy person.