Bucket-List 2013 Week 1 – One item complete with few fun days

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Hello my dear blogger,

You know what, I can call myself a bucket-Lister now. And you know why because I have already started the adventure from yesterday. Sorry couldn’t give you update as I was busy with an awesome event I was attending and came home really late. Wait I will share all my fun with you of course.

Here you go first thing first – As you know I had finalized my bucket-list for 2013. If you don’t know yet then here is my adventurous and fun list for this year.

Bucket List for 2013

A little bit different and also another post about the fears I have in my life with a reflection of other reader’s experiences along with it.

My fears

So now you know what is my item number #46 ? Right ‘Have a schooner at Australia’s oldest pub: Fortune of War pub, Sydney‘.

And guess what I have done it…yippi…today. I thought why not cross of some easy and quick things during the week. But as you would know from my list of fears – one of them is to go to a bar or pub by myself. So here in this item it was not just one thing but two really. It was about completing the task and what made it more challenging was that I can’t  walk into a bar/pub by myself. So here I was avoiding to go there and end up working in office till 7 PM and finally thought to go home and leave this task for some other day. Then suddenly a thought came in my head – what if I just do it that way I will be able to cross of one item from my list and say that I have done it. And then I started walking to the oldest pub in Sydney – ‘Fortune of War pub’. And while going there I tried to be cool about the whole thing so started listening to music, although my brain kept telling me to go back as I was getting so nervous thinking what will I do there? Will I be able to even name the drink? I have of course been to many pub/bar but just not by myself. It was the longest path I ever walked to any pub I think. But as soon I got there, I smoothly entered there and ordered my drink. It was surprisingly smooth. As if I am just used to of going to pubs and drink by myself. Although a nervous feeling kicked again looking around and not seeing many girls and none of them were by themselves. But there were many guys by themselves. I don’t mind to talk to any stranger but this is not the kind of place I really prefer as people have different agendas and I was there just for my bucket-list and it could be a hard job to explain that to some one really drunk. But anyways I was lucky to get a call from my flatmate and I had company on phone and she couldn’t believe that I went to bar myself and couldn’t stop laughing. And it took me 30 minutes to finish my drink and then I finally took a train home. And the picture above is not from today as guess what I didn’t take any picture as that might have looked a bit too much – going to bar and taking pictures 😉

Now also few more awesome things happened today and yesterday. Let’s finish stories of today first. I was coming back home when I saw my next door neighbors sitting outside their house. I went inside feeling that I would like to get to know these people. I felt a but shy going to them and initiate a conversation at my own. But then the beer early this evening was handy. I went back and said hello to them and it turned out into a more than half hour session of laugh and get-to-know-each-other time that I just loved it. I then realized that I have awesome people living not far from me. So yes, sometimes if you feel something in your heart its worth doing it or at least giving it a go. I am just learning this as I have my own fears and hesitations. But this year I will set my soul free…lol…or at least try to do so.

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Martin Place – On the way to the bar!

Now time for the weekly item #50 – Do one thing new each week

What could I have done? Guess..oh just take a wild guess…alright I will tell. I have been vegetarian all my life. Only recently I had chicken in the plane from Sri Lanka to India when they mixed my choice of meal and I didn’t want to stay hungry so I got myself into eating chicken. I should make it clear that I don’t have any religion restriction for the same as I am not religious. But its moreover my choice. So yesterday I was out with other people and they ordered steak. And I thought why not do this as new thing for the week. And I ordered it without knowing what it is exactly. Then one person in the group realized that I am vegetarian and they felt I might have ordered it by mistake but there I was not going to back out from it even after know what it was now. I wouldn’t say I liked it but at least now I know how it taste. It’s more about trying new things and opening my senses to things and tastes, smells, feelings and a lot more this year. I still prefer vegetarian food but now I can survive no matter where I go as I have removed that hesitation from inside me.

Item Number #50 – Overcome one fear

This is an area where I have been working upon more than one fears at the moment. You can check them out in my list of fears. Here they are:

  1. Fear of loneliness
  2. Fear of boredom
  3. Fear of rejection
  4. Fear of unknown

I am working on my first two fears by staying happy and comfortable with my own company at home. I write and try to lessen the feeling of not being able to do anything when at home by relaxing and writing and then listen to my heart and do something fun if I feel like. Not by planning but more spontaneous I would say.

Third one (rejection) is something I am working upon as well by reasoning the reason for others reaction or behavior and also by not taking things personally. I can notice the difference in small things now which is a good sign. But you know what I am not even feeling that people are rude as I am trying to put myself into their shoes. But of-course it will take some time.

Snoozing Period – Quiet before the Storm (What’s going to happen)

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You must be thinking I started my blog with all the self realization stuff and more regarding spirituality and now here I am only with reviews for movies and old travel stories. What happened to the self awareness journey? To be honest I am thinking the same as I was so happy for constantly 16 days since New Year or should say even from Christmas Eve when I went to my friends place for a celebration. But the truth is I am going through a negative phase now. It was the peak time to feel so light and now I am gone to the other side where I am again stuck with real life problems. Although it does not feel as bad as it used to may be because I am still aware of what’s happening so not much impacted by it. But being happy is not being easy really. There are times when I look at the world and it all feels the same and that is because inside it’s a storm that’s taking its toll.

I was seeing everything clearly only few days ago and now again it’s the fogginess that has taken over. I can’t see or feel anything all I can do is to save myself from feeling sick or bad about this phase. I am fighting with the negativity around me. And again to remind myself it’s just me nothing else has changed. It’s funny the same things that were source of happiness have turned into cold frozen objects today. Why, why I am going through this? I have so many questions. My soul sometimes wants to cry out loud and ask the universal power to come and merge into me. May be I am not completely ready that’s why it’s only in bursts that I am able to get the knowledge. For few days it was like a smooth stream of energy that was flowing in me from that universal powerful source and now I feel I am getting drained.

I have been seeing something floating in my room in the night for last couple of days on infrequent basis. I wake up in the middle of the night and see this image of an object or seem more like condensed white energy in my room that is floating around and feels like trying to get my attention. I know I might sound a bit weird but I promised to share all I am experience in life at the moment and here I am. Astonishing fact is that this energy is not scary at all. It has happened 5-6 times so far. I wake up in the middle of the night see this energy and go back to sleep and it feels like as if it’s just there and not to hurt me but just to be with me. Its white and I remember seeing some floating things last month and that was all black and it scared the hell out of me. I prayed in my heart and I was almost sinking in my heart all scared. But this time this energy is all white and it feels so pure. I am not sure whether it’s the lack of sleep as I have had enough for last few days at least or my sleeping pattern or the new place I moved into. But I saw the black energy/object in my old place whereas I can see the white ones here in the new place. I am not sure what is it all about really but my gut feeling is giving me an indication that my life is going to change and something big is going to happen and I am just getting prepared for it.

I am a science student and like to have a proof of everything that is real but I think I have also opened myself to see the truth and to be able to see beyond the obvious in the world. So I want to be ready for everything – if there is something I need to learn to achieve the peace and freedom in life. I told some of people I know at work about it and they laughed it off, not sure why I talked about it though may be because I didn’t believe it myself. Then today morning I told my flatmate and she advised me to throw anything that I might feel can carry some negative energy. I threw a teddy bear and few more things from my old place. Teddy I threw because the person who gave it to me was very depressed in life and often used to talk to the bear. And it might sound stupid but I thought maybe this might be carrying all the negative energy from that person to me. And when I don’t talk to the teddy (not many people do really) so it might be trying to get my attention. I know it sounds so odd and I can’t believe I am thinking like this as if it’s a script from a scary movie. But I like and respect my flatmate so I did as she suggested. She calls me an action girl as I act upon any suggestion very quickly if I think that can make any difference to make my life better. And I think that’s what I have learned in life to change things as soon as possible to make your life better as sometimes it gives you more pain not to change. Anyways I am hoping not to see anything anymore if it was because of those things. But part of me says that it was not the things it was something more that is trying to tell me something. Bigger than anything I have ever experienced. And it is only when I am sleeping I can see it because then only I am able to connect to my sub-conscious mind that knows it all. When we are conscious we think from our brain and decide on the basis of our most recent experience whereas when we are in sleep our conscious mind doesn’t interrupt the process of thought formation. That is also the reason we dream as it’s the sub-conscious mind that take over and starts working. I think this is enough for now. Let’s see how I go now and whether it was just a little malfunctioning of my senses or something real. I will keep you posted.  

Unlearn – To Learn the Truth (Part 3) : Sky High Angels and God

Why we say that God lives in the sky and angels can fly. A thought occurred to me that may be because spiritually we become heavy if we have negative feelings. Remember whenever we are sad or feeling bad then we feel so heavy inside and don’t have any energy to do anything. I think usually we all have been in that position so we can relate to it.

What if we take out all the negative feelings and energy and fill ourselves with love, compassion and many other positive feelings. We will become lighter than air. And we will be full of energy as well. It would be so much easier to even fly then as we would be lighter and that will help us to go up in the air and abundance of energy will help in opening our wings (spiritually) and fly far away. I can see the analogy that angels can fly like birds because angels are pure and full of good emotions only. 

And now that we think that God lives in the sky somewhere and heaven is up there. Human claimed everything unreachable either God or Evil. Like the sun was a mystery so people started worshiping it. And night became a scary time when ghosts come alive. Same I think is the case with sky. As we could easily reach anywhere in the land and water but didn’t have enough resources to reach the sky, hence we declared it as a place where God lives. What if so called God lives among us or somewhere in the earth or water. 

I know I am questioning the old beliefs. Although we have won all the places not and even being able to reach other planets but I am trying to undo all the learning in order to understand the truth and any other possibilities.

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Time Travel to be ChildLike

Time Travel to be ChildLike again

I was walking back home from work today. It was such a beautiful day. Cool breeze made me feel calm and very relaxed. I felt so much energy even though the day had been really long at work. I felt the air I was breathing, I saw people walking on the footpath, I saw the beautiful buildings made by man, I saw couples holding hands with the ray of hope in their eyes, I crossed a park with a small lake where lots of birds were chirping, I saw the diners enjoying their meal in relaxed environment and I also saw a girl running and looking a bit scared, then I saw a guy holding a map who was trying to figure out the directions and so on. What was the difference – I was living in the moment. I was living the present and cherishing it completely. I did not think about the past and I was not lost in the dreams of future. I was aware of every moment I lived today evening.

And what was the result – I was smiling as my heart was full of joy, joy of life, joy of sharing my life with so many other fortunate people, joy of being able to feel things and joy of being able to love everyone in my life. I must have looked ridiculous as I was smiling at my own on the way back home. But it was hard to contain that joy in me and make a poker face. Happiness was all over my face. I felt like dancing all the time and I felt so light that I felt I could run faster than time. It was the evening I think I have not experienced in ages or perhaps never before. It was the evening of utter exuberance. It was as if I had nothing to worry about in the world. And how did it happen.

For that we need to become like a child and free ourselves from everything but the joy of life. Every breathe we take is the blessings and is full of life. We have the gift to feel the very air we breathe, the water we drink and the land we walk upon. To be able to enjoy again we might have to look back and remember how we used to behave as a child. We need to learn from children. We need to start observing nature. Is there anyone out there who did not enjoy running in the part as a child? Is there anyone who actually liked the Air-con more than natural cool breeze when growing up, of course depending upon the temperature it might be a differnt case? Who didn’t like to play with water and get dirty in sand/soil, if given a chance?

That is because we are born with natural instinct and we lose them as we grow up or I would say stop listening to our inner self. To learn the truth and be happy again forever we need to go back to the roots and re-activate those functions we are born with. The powers that we have as humans, we need to find it again and use that energy to make our life fulfilled. In some countries/ cultures people say that children are the purest form of God. Why because they are more like God I think because they are free spirit, with no fear, happy, sensitive to others, friendly and open. As we grow, we suppress most of these qualities and the sufferings starts from there.

I am going to start that inner child in me and nurture it again, as I might be lost so far but not anymore.