Another day doing something new that I never done before and feel how it feels like. My life was different before this year and now suddenly after 11 months I feel like a new person almost after doing so much and after seeing so much in such a little time. Or I can say I just opened my eyes and being awake mostly now. It’s been a year of learning, year of forgiveness, year of love and awakening and year of fulfillment that I never felt before. But that so doesn’t mean that it’s over, as they say it is just the beginning.
One of the things on my bucket list was to see how it feels like when you are part of the film making crew and see if I want to do something in that field. I have always been fascinated with movies in Hollywood and I guess it was worth trying to be a part of something that was going to be there forever. I was part of the crew for a short film making and it was a good learning for me for the years to come I must say. And it helped me completing my bucket list’s item number 44. If you don’t know what all things I have listed in my bucket list for this year then here is a link for my bucket list for 2013. My Promise to live life – My BucketList 2013
A little bit different and also another post about the fears I have in my life with a reflection of other reader’s experiences along with it. My Fears
Not that I ever study art or knew much technicality of art other than having my own creative edge with things. A painting got my attention though and there were some conflict about whose painting it can be and people were saying that the symbols look like from Dali although the Vladimir Kush. It got me a bit intrigued as the painting was so symbolic and that’s when I felt the urge to know more about it. Here is some insight that I found.
Legendary Spanish painter Salvador Dali was one of the greatest figures in history. Master of surrealism art and originators of symbols like: grasshopper for fear, butterfly as a symbol of soul and many others like this. It’s so beautiful to see the world in your own terms and view. Although we do have our own perspective as that’s the way we are created really. But then we try to get merged in the crowd and not be unique and fight against our uniqueness all the time to be part of so called social norms. I salute these artists who just see what they want and create their dreams and visions on paper and let the world know what they think and see through their eyes.
Someone once said no artist think what others want to see and then draw accordingly, but they rather draw whatever
they feel like irrespective of people’s reaction to it. Let the world think what it thinks, do not care but rather just live it every day in your own way.
Here are the symbols from Dali:
Ants are the symbol of death or decay
Snail is on other hand is the head of human
In Dali’s paintings the elephants have skinny legs. Sounds unrealistic right, but that’s the way he imagined this surreal world and this is his world in his paintings.
Whether it’s subconscious mind or the hallucinatory dimensions it’s all shown so beautifully in his work that it’s hard not to get impressed even after twenty years of his death. Dali was a painter as well as sculpture and after being taught by the renowned teachers in Spain his talent was not hidden for long and soon he became famous.
Dali claimed that his eccentricity was the main source of his creative energy. He died in 1989 but by that time two museums were already devoted to him. He knew how to get publicity as well and his appearance in each exhibition proved it very well. He created nearly 1500+ painting with other work of his. A very famous and creative personality and I thought you might like to know him as well. So if you are interested to know more about him and his work here is the link.
I know I can do sky diving but if I have to meet friends in a bar for instance then it’s hard for me to go there by myself and wait. I rather wait outside on the street somewhere till they actually turn up. There is a recent incidence regarding it where I was told the bar I was supposed to go and from location I knew the place well. I arrived a little early and my friends were a bit late so that made a gap of 30 minutes. I didn’t have any clue what to do now. I walked up and down the street few times and finally went to a shop for window shopping. I wanted to just go inside the bar at my own. But I couldn’t for some reason. May be because I have never done it before. But there is always a first for every thing. I thought about it in the shop and decided to go in no matter what. I saw the watch and still there were 10 minutes left. So I told myself – man up, its not a war zone you are entering girl. Then I finally walked in and I was so amazed at myself that I couldn’t even tell the bartender what I really wanted and was beating the bush for few minutes. But then I was able to finally get vodka with cranberry juice that too 2 PM in the afternoon. Very unusual of me…I know it was not a big deal, but to be honest sometimes I feel I can do things which people are scared of but at the same time I avoid doing simple things that takes not much effort.
So when we talk about fears, every one has some. I am thinking right now to come up with some as I am writing. I like trying new food at times but that’s another fear I am trying hard to overcome as I think I get used to of one good taste and I don’t like to experiment too much after that and can stick to one dish like pad Thai for a year. Insane right but I have done it… 🙂
Fear of loneliness – I hate being by myself on the weekend…I have been working on this as of now
Fear of boredom – I can’t stay alone and I figured it out because I get bored…although I have started working on this already from last weekend..Guys you know what I simply just can’t sit and do nothing…I am not one of those chick who can go to beach and just stay there for hours doing nothing although I wish sometime…either I have to keep swimming or just do something…Although it’s OK sometimes to be able to just relax and I am just learning to do this …after all I am in Australia so I need to be able to do that…..lol I am just joking 😉
Fear of being ignored – I think I like to be recognized and being seen and as I was a single child for long time before my brother came to the world and that makes it 7 years. Going to neighborhood was not really appreciated and I was good at studies so was always a teacher’s pet. Not anymore OK so please don’t think of making fun of me….lol
Loosing my freedom – If you know me friends then you would know my way of living. I have a post to show more about my life here – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/what-keeps-me-alive-want-to-know-lets-have-a-look/. So now you can guess that it’s hard for me to lose this freedom and to this extent that I feel scared of being too close to people at times when they start to think that they have a say in my life and take my decision on my behalf or force their views on me. I don’t mind taking advice but I just don’t follow anyone blindly to be honest.
Fear of sickness – I think no one likes it and as we remember how bad it feels when we are sick so I am afraid of getting sick and try everything not to be sick
Fear of missing an early morning flight – Oh dear…here it comes…I am so not a morning person to be frank here and I have also missed a morning 6 AM flight to Brisbane not that I slept in but as planned I was about to take the train to the airport but there were some issues with train track and I missed my flight by 5 minutes. This is not the reason of my fear though, I always panic to catch a flight early in the morning to such an extent that I have slept in the airport to catch few flights, or I should say not actually sleep but more over just snoozed. And I am not sure what to do about it really. Some times I just can’t sleep all night if there is something planned for early in the morning.
Fear of dark and alone places in foreign places with guys in jacket with hood around – I have been in these situations few times and believe me it didn’t feel good. Although I get my extra senses quiet alert and I start thinking of all the possible ways to survive but it’s just the fear that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
Fear of financial crisis – I do not like to be in short of money ever and I make sure I always plan my things and accordingly and I think this is my strength in a way I am so good at managing my money and budget really. But also I would not know how to live if I have no money. One of the reason I postponed to quit job and just go travel for as long as I want. Although I did quit and left my old job to do it but when I got another one then I couldn’t say no to it. Although there are some more reasons as well why I am back in Australia, but still I avoid being in financial crisis by all means.
Fear of public speaking – Oh yes, this is big on my list just like every one. If I have to give presentation I can do that but normally I am more like a one to one person really. So I become more quiet when in a group of new people. One of those shy ones…lol
Fear of insects crawling on me – Ew..that’s not something I have ever been comfortable but would like to understand these creatures and over come my fear of the same one day.
Fear to cook non vegetarian – I used to be vegetarian so I think I still can’t cook non-veg. I just started chicken on a flight where they just messed up with my meal and I had two choices – stay hungry or eat chicken, so there you go – I did it…I ate chicken so I am not vegetarian anymore but still prefer to eat vegetarian food only.
Harrowing Heights – I don’t know how will I stand on the edge of a platform on top of a very high building
Fear of blood – I usually lose my nerve a little when I see blood specially some one else’s
Fear of violence – I can’t stand people starting to shout each other and then starting a fight
Fear of confined space – Like a place where I can only crawl one way
Fear of interviews – I just lose my nerve thinking of an interview no matter how good I am at things still I can feel butterfly in my stomach before any interview
Now I have talked about the fears so balance it out I would like to mention few things I have no fear as well. It’s for me to soothe myself and to tell myself that you are not just a scary baby my dear….lol
No fear for:
Visiting new places
Doing some thing new
Talking my mind
Accepting advice and act upon it
Accepting my faults
Moving to a new country
Doing what I like
Achieving what I want
Rejecting my own ideas
Fear of commitment
Fear of failure
Initiate a conversation to strangers – I do it usually only when I am travelling though so its subjective really
Friends, here I am opening up more of who I am because of the warmth and awesome responses that you have given so far and this gives me that extra strength to be able to do that. Telling your weakness is not easy but it makes you stronger when you do. It makes you in-conquerable.
So I would love you to
Share some of your fears here or
Tell me how can I overcome mine or
Tell your experience of overcoming some of your fears or
Just anything really that you would like to tell us …may be just your thoughts about this post 🙂
Next day another adventure was waiting for me. Being a naive to sea and swimming I was having a ball with all the water activities. Now it was time for some cave diving. It sounded so exciting that I could not stop myself from booking next day trip to another island to do the Cave Diving. Although many questions started bothering me after I booked for it – Will I have to stay underwater too long, do I need to be a good swimmer to be able to do that, will it be scary, will I be ok after doing it. But I was rest assured that I will be fine as there were two guides and all the fellow travellers knew how to swim so to be honest I had more trust on others than myself.
Next morning I was even more thrilled thinking – here I was in the middle of this big island with strangers doing stuff that is another name of peak adventure. Best thing ever, I told myself. We were all geared with the swim suit and a life jacket after boarding the boat that was going to take us to this another island. We arrived at our destination. The water was crystal blue and the view was breathtaking. It made me feel envious of the people who were living there, thinking that they are able to live in paradise every day.
Finally we climbed the steps towards the Qara ni Bukete (Pregnancy Cave), named so because it does not allow any woman who is trying to hide she is pregnant. It was a bit dark in the cave but we could see some light coming through the slits. I jumped into the water in the cave after a little bit of hesitation with my life jacket on of course. I thought maybe this is it? It was easy. But nope there was another cave through this bigger cave where we could only go through a narrow passage under water.
Two guys went in with the guide. We did not have any proper equipment for diving so we had to hold our breath for at least 30 seconds and the guide was supposed pull us underwater towards the other cave. Once on the other side the guide will go back and bring another person. Now it was the test as I could not go under water without my life jacket. Guide was back and wanted one of us to go with him. Everyone in the group started staring at each other as no one was sure how risky it is in the dark. I was scared but excited and didn’t realise when I got voice and said ‘I will come’ to guide. He stared at my life jacket and asked me to take it off. I told him that I am not a good swimmer and he smiled (maybe he was thinking I must be joking as I had come for a cave diving after all) and assured me that I will be fine. I took off my life jacket and the guide took my hand and asked me to take a deep breath. I followed his instruction and he pulled me under water and I felt all I can do is trust him. I could feel my body moving through this narrow tunnel, touching the walls of it. Soon when I was still in dazed state I was on the other side of the cave. He looked at me and smiled again and asked me where I am from. He must have sensed my fear. I told him that I am from India, living in Australia for few months and have just started to learn swimming. He looked amazed but asked me to leave his hand as he had to go to bring other people now. I was scared again as I was in this cave in dark and with no floating device to hold on to. I quickly swam across the cave with my breast stroke techniques and tried to hold the holes in the wall like a lizard.
Other girls also came to this side after seeing me. They must have thought that when a non-swimmer can do it then they can as well. After few moments when my eyes got adjusted then I realised most of the people in the group who chose to come were here and we had to swim to the other side where the guide was taking us. There was a small area where there was some light coming from a slit and it felt very nice to see few rays of light as they were like rays of hope. It was an amazing experience of my life. We came back and I was still dazed with the whole day adventure. Next day I had to leave the island and head back to home. I was overwhelmed by the welcoming behaviour of the people in Fiji. I left but the memories stayed with me forever.