Bucket-List 2013 Week 1 – One item complete with few fun days

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Hello my dear blogger,

You know what, I can call myself a bucket-Lister now. And you know why because I have already started the adventure from yesterday. Sorry couldn’t give you update as I was busy with an awesome event I was attending and came home really late. Wait I will share all my fun with you of course.

Here you go first thing first – As you know I had finalized my bucket-list for 2013. If you don’t know yet then here is my adventurous and fun list for this year.

Bucket List for 2013

A little bit different and also another post about the fears I have in my life with a reflection of other reader’s experiences along with it.

My fears

So now you know what is my item number #46 ? Right ‘Have a schooner at Australia’s oldest pub: Fortune of War pub, Sydney‘.

And guess what I have done it…yippi…today. I thought why not cross of some easy and quick things during the week. But as you would know from my list of fears – one of them is to go to a bar or pub by myself. So here in this item it was not just one thing but two really. It was about completing the task and what made it more challenging was that I can’t  walk into a bar/pub by myself. So here I was avoiding to go there and end up working in office till 7 PM and finally thought to go home and leave this task for some other day. Then suddenly a thought came in my head – what if I just do it that way I will be able to cross of one item from my list and say that I have done it. And then I started walking to the oldest pub in Sydney – ‘Fortune of War pub’. And while going there I tried to be cool about the whole thing so started listening to music, although my brain kept telling me to go back as I was getting so nervous thinking what will I do there? Will I be able to even name the drink? I have of course been to many pub/bar but just not by myself. It was the longest path I ever walked to any pub I think. But as soon I got there, I smoothly entered there and ordered my drink. It was surprisingly smooth. As if I am just used to of going to pubs and drink by myself. Although a nervous feeling kicked again looking around and not seeing many girls and none of them were by themselves. But there were many guys by themselves. I don’t mind to talk to any stranger but this is not the kind of place I really prefer as people have different agendas and I was there just for my bucket-list and it could be a hard job to explain that to some one really drunk. But anyways I was lucky to get a call from my flatmate and I had company on phone and she couldn’t believe that I went to bar myself and couldn’t stop laughing. And it took me 30 minutes to finish my drink and then I finally took a train home. And the picture above is not from today as guess what I didn’t take any picture as that might have looked a bit too much – going to bar and taking pictures 😉

Now also few more awesome things happened today and yesterday. Let’s finish stories of today first. I was coming back home when I saw my next door neighbors sitting outside their house. I went inside feeling that I would like to get to know these people. I felt a but shy going to them and initiate a conversation at my own. But then the beer early this evening was handy. I went back and said hello to them and it turned out into a more than half hour session of laugh and get-to-know-each-other time that I just loved it. I then realized that I have awesome people living not far from me. So yes, sometimes if you feel something in your heart its worth doing it or at least giving it a go. I am just learning this as I have my own fears and hesitations. But this year I will set my soul free…lol…or at least try to do so.

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Martin Place – On the way to the bar!

Now time for the weekly item #50 – Do one thing new each week

What could I have done? Guess..oh just take a wild guess…alright I will tell. I have been vegetarian all my life. Only recently I had chicken in the plane from Sri Lanka to India when they mixed my choice of meal and I didn’t want to stay hungry so I got myself into eating chicken. I should make it clear that I don’t have any religion restriction for the same as I am not religious. But its moreover my choice. So yesterday I was out with other people and they ordered steak. And I thought why not do this as new thing for the week. And I ordered it without knowing what it is exactly. Then one person in the group realized that I am vegetarian and they felt I might have ordered it by mistake but there I was not going to back out from it even after know what it was now. I wouldn’t say I liked it but at least now I know how it taste. It’s more about trying new things and opening my senses to things and tastes, smells, feelings and a lot more this year. I still prefer vegetarian food but now I can survive no matter where I go as I have removed that hesitation from inside me.

Item Number #50 – Overcome one fear

This is an area where I have been working upon more than one fears at the moment. You can check them out in my list of fears. Here they are:

  1. Fear of loneliness
  2. Fear of boredom
  3. Fear of rejection
  4. Fear of unknown

I am working on my first two fears by staying happy and comfortable with my own company at home. I write and try to lessen the feeling of not being able to do anything when at home by relaxing and writing and then listen to my heart and do something fun if I feel like. Not by planning but more spontaneous I would say.

Third one (rejection) is something I am working upon as well by reasoning the reason for others reaction or behavior and also by not taking things personally. I can notice the difference in small things now which is a good sign. But you know what I am not even feeling that people are rude as I am trying to put myself into their shoes. But of-course it will take some time.

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What are my fears? People say I don’t have any…but let’s look at it

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I just got a very good idea from the comment section of my last post : https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/ from my amazing family of bloggers. specially when chandanimane mentioned it specifically after Jill London gave me a compliment by calling me fearless. I might have to think hard to name some good one but little ones can take more space here…lol…friends like them make you think harder about not only what you can do but also what you can’t and why and then turn these failures into success. Thanks to you my friends.

I know I can do sky diving but if I have to meet friends in a bar for instance then it’s hard for me to go there by myself and wait. I rather wait outside on the street somewhere till they actually turn up. There is a recent incidence regarding it where I was told the bar I was supposed to go and from location I knew the place well. I arrived a little early and my friends were a bit late so that made a gap of 30 minutes. I didn’t have any clue what to do now. I walked up and down the street few times and finally went to a shop for window shopping. I wanted to just go inside the bar at my own. But I couldn’t for some reason. May be because I have never done it before. But there is always a first for every thing. I thought about it in the shop and decided to go in no matter what. I saw the watch and still there were 10 minutes left. So I told myself – man up, its not a war zone you are entering girl. Then I finally walked in and I was so amazed at myself that I couldn’t even tell the bartender what I really wanted and was beating the bush for few minutes. But then I was able to finally get vodka with cranberry juice that too 2 PM in the afternoon. Very unusual of me…I know it was not a big deal, but to be honest sometimes I feel I can do things which people are scared of but at the same time I avoid doing simple things that takes not much effort.

So when we talk about fears, every one has some. I am thinking right now to come up with some as I am writing. I like trying new food at times but that’s another fear I am trying hard to overcome as I think I get used to of one good taste and I don’t like to experiment too much after that and can stick to one dish like pad Thai for a year. Insane right but I have done it… 🙂

  1. Fear of loneliness – I hate being by myself on the weekend…I have been working on this as of now
  2. Fear of boredom – I can’t stay alone and I figured it out because I get bored…although I have started working on this already from last weekend..Guys you know what I simply just can’t sit and do nothing…I am not one of those chick who can go to beach and just stay there for hours doing nothing although I wish sometime…either I have to keep swimming or just do something…Although it’s OK sometimes to be able to just relax and I am just learning to do this …after all I am in Australia so I need to be able to do that…..lol  I am just joking 😉
  3. Fear of being ignored – I think I like to be recognized and being seen and as I was a single child for long time before my brother came to the world and that makes it 7 years. Going to neighborhood was not really appreciated and I was good at studies so was always a teacher’s pet. Not anymore OK so please don’t think of making fun of me….lol
  4. Fear of rejection – I have written a complete post – Treatment of rejection – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/treatment-for-rejection/, about it and you know what after all that analysis I have done I am overcoming this to quiet an extent.
  5. Loosing my freedom – If you know me friends then you would know my way of living. I have a post to show more about my life here – https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/04/25/what-keeps-me-alive-want-to-know-lets-have-a-look/. So now you can guess that it’s hard for me to lose this freedom and to this extent that I feel scared of being too close to people at times when they start to think that they have a say in my life and take my decision on my behalf or force their views on me. I don’t mind taking advice but I just don’t follow anyone blindly to be honest.
  6. Fear of unknown – I am a very planned person so it’s hard for me to stay in a situation where I don’t know what’s coming. Although I guess I have started to adapt on this area. Example: Hawaii trip was a big example where I had no plan and I had the most fun of my life. Here are few post (some with only pictures for quick look and others with some funny stories to tell about my trip there). Although I am still planning a lot of things as you can say but also learning to lose myself into things to enjoy it the same time https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/hawaii-day-1-started-with-a-stranger-and-ended-up-with-bunch-of-friends/                                                                        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/07/lanikai-beach-kailua-oahu-hawaii/        https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/01/31/hawaii-here-i-come-here-begins-the-adventure/ https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/02/22/sunset-at-sunset-beach-with-amazing-creatures-hawaii/
  7. Fear of sickness – I think no one likes it and as we remember how bad it feels when we are sick so I am afraid of getting sick and try everything not to be sick
  8. Fear of missing an early morning flight – Oh dear…here it comes…I am so not a morning person to be frank here and I have also missed a morning 6 AM flight to Brisbane not that I slept in but as planned I was about to take the train to the airport but there were some issues with train track and I missed my flight by 5 minutes. This is not the reason of my fear though, I always panic to catch a flight early in the morning to such an extent that I have slept in the airport to catch few flights, or I should say not actually sleep but more over just snoozed. And I am not sure what to do about it really. Some times I just can’t sleep all night if there is something planned for early in the morning.
  9. Fear of dark and alone places in foreign places with guys in jacket with hood around – I have been in these situations few times and believe me it didn’t feel good. Although I get my extra senses quiet alert and I start thinking of all the possible ways to survive but it’s just the fear that makes me a bit uncomfortable.
  10. Fear of financial crisis – I do not like to be in short of money ever and I make sure I always plan my things and accordingly and I think this is my strength in a way I am so good at managing my money and budget really. But also I would not know how to live if I have no money. One of the reason I postponed to quit job and just go travel for as long as I want. Although I did quit and left my old job to do it but when I got another one then I couldn’t say no to it. Although there are some more reasons as well why I am back in Australia, but still I avoid being in financial crisis by all means.
  11. Fear  of public speaking – Oh yes, this is big on my list just like every one. If I have to give presentation I can do that but normally I am more like a one to one person really. So I become more quiet when in a group of new people. One of those shy ones…lol
  12. Fear of insects crawling on me – Ew..that’s not something I have ever been comfortable but would like to understand these creatures and over come my fear of the same one day.
  13. Fear to cook non vegetarian – I used to be vegetarian so I think I still can’t cook non-veg. I just started chicken on a flight where they just messed up with my meal and I had two choices – stay hungry or eat chicken, so there you go – I did it…I ate chicken so I am not vegetarian anymore but still prefer to eat vegetarian food only.
  14. Harrowing Heights – I don’t know how will I stand on the edge of a platform on top of a very high building
  15. Fear of blood – I usually lose my nerve a little when I see blood specially some one else’s
  16. Fear of violence – I can’t stand people starting to shout each other and then starting a fight
  17. Fear of confined space – Like a place where I can only crawl one way
  18. Fear of interviews – I just lose my nerve thinking of an interview no matter how good I am at things still I can feel butterfly in my stomach before any interview

Now I have talked about the fears so balance it out I would like to mention few things I have no fear as well. It’s for me to soothe myself and to tell myself that you are not just a scary baby my dear….lol

No fear for:

  1. Death
  2. Pain
  3. New adventure
  4. Heights
  5. Meeting strangers
  6. Visiting new places
  7. Doing some thing new
  8. Talking my mind
  9. Accepting advice and act upon it
  10. Accepting my faults
  11. Change
  12. Moving to a new country
  13. Doing what I like
  14. Achieving what I want
  15. Rejecting my own ideas
  16. Fear of commitment
  17. Fear of failure
  18. Initiate a conversation to strangers – I do it usually only when I am travelling though so its subjective really

Wow that worked out well….18 for 18 ..awesome …now I have a lot of work to do on my fears..as at least one of these will be in my bucket list item ’49 – Overcome one fear’ from my list at https://talkingexperience.wordpress.com/2013/05/06/my-promise-to-myself-for-5-years-to-live-life-fully-first-installment-is-here-already-bucket-list-2013/.

Friends, here I am opening up more of who I am because of the warmth and awesome responses that you have given so far and this gives me that extra strength to be able to do that. Telling your weakness is not easy but it makes you stronger when you do. It makes you in-conquerable.

So I would love you to

  • Share some of your fears here or
  • Tell me how can I overcome mine or
  • Tell your experience of overcoming some of your fears or
  • Just anything really that you would like to tell us …may be just your thoughts about this post 🙂

Treatment for rejection

Rejection – Ouch, yes that hurts. And trust me I know and I think most of knows how that feels. Because everyone has a taste of this feeling once in a while in life. Why don’t we talk about it as it might make a difference the way we look at it, and may be next time when it happens we get over it quickly. Or if we are feeling it right now then this is what exactly you need to know to be able to bring that smile back on your face. Oh, now I sound like a psychologist which I am not. I am writing this as I had an incident yesterday that made me feel this emotion after a long time and like a rebel I was fighting to accept it. Then I had a chat with my flatmate and she shared her experience and said that don’t take it personally. I couldn’t understand it that moment. But after a while when I sat down and thought about it, it made perfect sense and I would like to share my thoughts with you.

To cure anything we need to understand it well. So in this scenario we need to understand what rejection is, at least for once. Social acceptance impacts our life big time in general in creating our perception of the world and people around us. A lot of times it influences our decisions and actions. Rejection can impact our emotional, cognitional and physical health. Its a very basic need of human – the feeling of belonging. It’s a social need to have relationships that makes us happy. So now we know why we feel bad when we feel rejected as our basic need is not met in some way.

There are various ways in this modern society through which people can reject each other. Some of the examples are:

  • Some one rejects your add request in a online social network (example: Facebook, dating sites etc)
  • Some one deletes you from their online social network
  • You are excluded from the email sent out for lunch in office
  • Dumped by a romantic partner
  • Dumped by a friend in some situation you expected them to be there with you
  • Failure to get a job you were interviewed for
  • No appreciation of the food you cooked for some one by putting so much effort
  • No gratitude of the gift you bought for someone
  • Less or no recognition of your work in office or at home
  • You ideas are not heard

The worst thing that we can do in this or any bad situation is – not accepting it. We can never cure something that we do not accept is happening or has happened. Its simply not possible as we will keep avoiding it and never give any attention to it. And also many things that we start doing in a wrong manner trying to avoid accepting rejection. Like:

  • Stop participating in that activity where we felt rejected
  • Remove ourselves from the online social networks ourselves
  • Avoid talking to people around
  • Feel depressed
  • Indulge into other activities to forget about this feeling

A lot of people will think why I am doing the intersection of this whole situation – what’s the point. Number 1 – Its not about changing the past (what has already happened). Its about making sure the damage is properly fixed, here its our head and heart in danger

Number 2 – Its always better to learn from things and be prepared when we encounter the same situation in future. As its normal to make a mistake but stupid to make it many times (at least we can try not to be stupid and then keep blaming the world for it)

I might sound harsh but that’s what you are supposed to do when we get injured or shot by a bullet. You can’t be crying all day and be nice to yourself. You got to treat it and sometimes we have to take medicine that doesn’t taste well or operate it with even more pain to get the bullet out. All I am saying it face it.

So how do we treat rejection – yes, I have put it as if its a disease or an injury. But I would recommend just take it as an injury and we will follow the same procedure as if treating an injury. Scientific research have proved that pain that you feel when rejected is almost similar to the pain in injury. Hence why not we treat it the same as well – this way it is easy to detach yourself and not take it personally and faster to heal as well. So why not we become more logical to resolve problems whether mental or physical.
We human are known to put our brains where you need to use your heart and put your heart where we need to use our brain. And after all these of experiences I believe very much in this. You can have your own opinion for sure and I do respect that as well.

Coming back to the important part – How the treatment should start?

  1. First recognize the feeling (upset, sad, anger) properly – symptom (change in behaviour) , source (people most of the times and few times system and processes), affected areas (of course your heart).
  2. Now accept that it has happened – it might cause you some tears but trust me its worth shedding them if needed
  3. Now that we have accepted it has happened that means we have a problem in hand which earlier we didn’t’ t want to even think or know about
  4. Now its easy to look at it as if its someone else’s issue as third party and have sympathy with yourself
  5. Make sure you do tell your self its not personal and it has got nothing to do with you. You got hit by a ball in the eye that doesn’t mean that you should have not played that game or something. Many times its the other end that has the reason of rejecting you or your ideas. Nothing to do with you. This is more about what other side thinks. That can be further based upon their knowledge or life experiences that in turn can be limited or too big.
  6. So now that the damage has been done start the treating the place with soothing medicine  and in this case the soothing solution is to give your heart more love and get in touch with friends and family to fill the gap that has been created by sadness and sorrow.
  7. Now next step is you have done what you could try, need to rest and let it heal. Sometimes we have habit to keep scratching our injured parts, but that never heals. The more you think it will still need time to heal as time is the ultimate healer of all things. Few things can’t be fast processed, feelings are one of them. If they do, trust me its not natural.
  8. Then Move on. Start living your life the way you would have lived as if the incident didn’t happen as it will help you start a normal life and minimize the impact

Now having said all this – I hope you have a happier and healthy life!