Road to Byron Bay – Not so easy but worthwhile for an interesting weekend

About to start a long train journey to get to my next stop - Byron Bay

About to start a long train journey to get to my next stop – Byron Bay

That's happy me before the journey started..all excited for the trip

That’s happy me before the journey started..all excited for the trip

Queue for dinner in the train..yes I kind of liked this whole new experience after taking so many flights recently :)

Queue for dinner in the train..yes I kind of liked this whole new experience after taking so many flights recently ūüôā

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was a long train journey and got worse when couldn’t get comfortable to get enough sleep. Yes, right I didn’t sleep all night to make sure I get down at the Casino to catch a bus to Byron Bay, even asked the guy working in the train to wake me up just in case. And good thing that it‚Äôs their job to wake people up otherwise in the night trains it might be chaos if people who board can‚Äôt get the seat because other people have forgotten to get down. I was able to get 1 hour nap and caught the bus to Byron Bay. And then I decided to watch a movie as the journey was only for 3 hours. So I started a dance movie that was downloaded on my phone. I watched some of it but then sitting in a bus where everyone was sleeping and there was not enough light at this time of the night so I felt a bit sleepy. I took a nap and put an alarm to wake me up as I was supposed to get down at Byron Bay around 5:55 AM. My alarm ran off and I realized its 4:55 AM and felt like having a 5 minutes nap which I do at home sometimes before going to work. I heard someone mentioning Byron Bay but I felt I was dreaming.

Suddenly I woke up and looked at my phone. It was 6:15 AM and I was supposed to be going Hot Air Ballooning before 6 AM (a guy was waiting in Byron Bay to pick me up). Shit! That was my exact expression. I ran to the driver and asked how far Byron Bay is. He looked at me in surprise and told me that Byron Bay station already passed. What? I didn‚Äôt sleep all night for this. What…I didn’t have words for few minutes and I asked him how far it is? It was 20-25 minutes away and I wanted to jump out of bus to catch a ride back but at this hour it was neither safe nor a very good option. The driver realized I was travelling by myself so he tried to help me out by dropping me in a safe place (it was the next town) and called the other bus driver from the same company who was supposed to go to Byron Bay via this place. I waited for one hour near this beautiful little town called Brunswick Head from about 6:30 AM to 7:30 AM.

Yes, that's me sad and cold in the morning when I missed my station :(

Yes, that’s me sad and cold in the morning when I missed my station ūüė¶

It was cold but I managed to walk to the nearby river and get some nice shots before I realized that my shoes were wet with the dew on the grass. I looked at the sky and asked ‚Äď What‚Äôs next? Hit me with a lightning now. I was angry at myself to miss the Ballooning today not knowing how the weather would be the next day. I was angry at myself to stand in this cold weather where not many options were available in the town even to get some hot coffee at this hour. But an hour passed quickly now that I think about it and I caught the bus while the driver knew me as the girl who slept and missed her station. Yes, that makes me a little famous now. But you know what I wasn’t wrong when I was thinking everything happens for a reason, and you will find out soon why.

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I got to my hostel which was way too far and even after getting lost on the way (as the road on which the hostel was located was not in the map I had with me), I managed to get there before 8: 30 AM with the help of some really nice locals. And after getting there I found the reception is closed and many people are waiting there including a couple whom I saw in the bus with me. I wished if they could have waked me up in Byron Bay station but of course they might not have known my station. Finally the manager of the hostel came and told everyone that he is still hung over and just found out that there is no one at the reception. When it was my turn to check in, I end up having a decent conversation with him as he felt a little bit embarrassed with the whole situation at the reception with so many people waiting to check in. He felt relaxed and I felt better after talking to someone in a light manner in spite of having a really bad morning. What happens next? How the day gets better and better? Yes, I am still writing that and want you to have this first part till then. I will be back with the awesome day after this soon my lovely friend.

Treatment for rejection

Rejection – Ouch, yes that hurts. And trust me I know and I think most of knows how that feels. Because everyone has a taste of this feeling once in a while in life. Why don’t we talk about it as it might make a difference¬†the way we look at it, and may be¬†next time when it happens we get over it quickly. Or if we are feeling it right now¬†then this is what exactly you need to know to be able to bring that smile back on your face. Oh, now I sound like a psychologist which I am not. I am writing this as I had an incident¬†yesterday that made me feel this emotion after a long time and like a rebel I was fighting to accept it. Then I had a chat with my flatmate and she shared her experience and said that don’t take it personally. I couldn’t understand it that moment. But after a while when I sat down and thought about it, it made perfect sense and I would like to share my thoughts with you.

To cure anything we need to understand it well. So in this scenario we need to understand what rejection is, at least for once. Social acceptance impacts our life big time in general in creating our perception of the world and people around us. A lot of times it influences our decisions and actions. Rejection can impact our emotional, cognitional¬†and physical health. Its a very basic need of human – the feeling of belonging. It’s a social need to have relationships that makes us happy. So now we know why we feel bad when we feel rejected as our basic need is not met in some way.

There are various ways in this modern society through which people can reject each other. Some of the examples are:

  • Some one rejects your add¬†request in a online social network (example: Facebook, dating sites etc)
  • Some one deletes you from their online social network
  • You are excluded from the email sent out for lunch in office
  • Dumped by a romantic partner
  • Dumped by a friend in some situation you expected them to be there with you
  • Failure to get a job you were interviewed for
  • No appreciation of the food you cooked for some one by putting so much effort
  • No gratitude of the gift you bought for someone
  • Less or no recognition of your work in office or at home
  • You ideas are not heard

The worst thing that we can do in this or any bad situation is – not accepting it. We can never cure something that we do not accept is happening or has happened. Its simply not possible as we will keep avoiding it and never give any attention to it. And also many things that we start doing in a wrong manner trying to avoid accepting rejection. Like:

  • Stop participating in that activity where we felt rejected
  • Remove ourselves from the online social networks ourselves
  • Avoid talking to people around
  • Feel depressed
  • Indulge into other activities to forget about this feeling

A lot of people will think why I am doing the intersection of¬†this whole situation – what’s the point. Number 1 – Its not¬†about changing the past (what has already happened). Its about¬†making sure the damage is properly fixed, here its our head and heart in danger

Number 2 РIts always better to learn from things and be prepared when we encounter the same situation in future. As its normal to make a mistake but stupid to make it many times (at least we can try not to be stupid and then keep blaming the world for it)

I might sound harsh but that’s what you are supposed¬†to do when we get injured or shot by a bullet. You can’t be¬†crying all day and be nice to yourself. You got to treat it and sometimes we have to take medicine that doesn’t taste well or operate it with even more pain to get the bullet out. All I am saying it face it.

So how do we treat rejection – yes, I have put it as if its a disease or an injury. But I would recommend just take it as an injury and we will follow the same procedure as if treating an injury. Scientific research have proved that pain that you feel when rejected is almost similar to the pain in injury. Hence why not we treat it the same as well – this way it is easy to detach yourself and not take it personally and faster to heal as well. So why not we become more logical to resolve problems whether mental or physical.
We human are known to put our brains where you need to use your heart and put your heart where we need to use our brain. And after all these of experiences I believe very much in this. You can have your own opinion for sure and I do respect that as well.

Coming back to the important part – How the treatment should start?

  1. First recognize the feeling (upset, sad, anger) properly – symptom (change in behaviour) , source (people most of the times and few times system and processes), affected areas (of course your heart).
  2. Now accept that it has happened – it might cause you some tears but trust me its worth shedding them if needed
  3. Now that we have accepted it has happened that means we have a problem in hand which earlier we didn’t’ t want to even think or know about
  4. Now its easy to look at it as if its someone else’s issue as third party and have sympathy with yourself
  5. Make sure you do tell your self its not¬†personal and it has got¬†nothing to do with you. You got hit by a ball in the eye that doesn’t mean that you should have not played that game or something. Many times its the¬†other end that has the reason of rejecting you or your ideas. Nothing to do with you. This is more about what other side thinks. That can be¬†further based upon their knowledge or life experiences that in turn can be limited or too big.
  6. So now that the damage has been done start the treating the place with soothing medicine  and in this case the soothing solution is to give your heart more love and get in touch with friends and family to fill the gap that has been created by sadness and sorrow.
  7. Now next step is you have done what you could try, need to rest and let it heal. Sometimes we have habit to keep scratching our injured parts, but that never heals. The more you think it will still need time to heal as time is the ultimate¬†healer of all things. Few things can’t be¬†fast processed, feelings are one of them. If they do, trust me its not natural.
  8. Then Move on. Start living your life the way you would have lived as if the incident didn’t happen as it will help you start a normal life and minimize the impact

Now having said all this – I hope you have a happier and healthy life!

Happiness Connection – Part 1

The true purpose of our life is to be happy. Now does it means that I should go out there and do whatever makes me happy even if that means drinking alcohol, smoking, eating fast food or harming some one. No, not at all. And there comes the concept of ‘connection of happiness’. We associate happiness with a lot of things and many times they are not right. For example eating sweets to make ourselves happy when we are sad or drinking alcohol to get over some one. These are the associations that we train our brain with for years of practice.¬†

Stop right there and list all such habits that deep inside you know are not good for you. This will not stop you from doing it but awareness is the first step. Until unless we accept that any habit is not good for us, we are not going to leave it. So it is the choice that we need to make first to know what are the things that we are doing are not good for us. Its like doing the diagnosis of a disease, only then it can be cured. 

Step 2 is to decide that you want to change the connection of happiness from wrong habits to healthy and right habits. Also you are the one who is supposed to define right or wrong as for some one it can be for a run every time they get sad and for another it might be meeting a friend and talk about it. Its also a matter of¬†convenience¬†and available options. So it is important to give your self some options before strictly adhering to the new habits. Most of the times we do not stick to the new habits because we assume there is only one choice and if we can’t stick to it then we are a failure and we get even more sad and end up returning back to the old habits to be happy. To get out of this loop we need to give ourselves rating from 10 to 1 and 1 means that we¬†at least¬†tried and this way we never are a failure and its just a matter of¬†getting¬†more or less points. Remember that while deciding to change the connection of happiness from the bad habits to good habits we are actually choosing a path and once we choose a path then we are no longer on the old way. I would suggest start visualizing this and then you would feel it is so easy to follow.¬†

Step 3 is practicing the new habits consciously. Any habit takes time to form therefore replacing a habit also takes a cycle. Our brain is very powerful but its like like wild horse that is jumping around all the time and its hard to train it. We need to understand that its our asset that we need to take care of and our baby that we need to nurture as well. Do not be harsh on yourself and have patience in teaching your brain the right things. Take time and be patient, the more gentle you would be the more calm the brain will become. The more strict you will treat it, the more wilder it will start behaving. Practice every day in the morning or what ever time suits you to calm down and tell your brain the right things. Tell stories to yourself just like we used to do in our childhood (reading loud) and believe me it works and it works very well. 

I will share more insight into this as we move forward. I am also just practicing these things as you are reading this. So there is a lot to come. Be happy with the right connection!