Chaos is how I will describe my life

Chaos is how I will describe my life,

No time to rest, no time to step back and reflect.

Just the daily activities that I am involved in as a robot,

From the moment I get up and go to work till I am lying in bed to get some sleep.

 

I try hard to fight with the system and get out of it,

Every now and then and go for a retreat.

But its hard at times – it’s hard changing your life,

Specially when you are so busy doing the same thing over and over again.

 

Yes, it does make me think of my situation,

What can I do to make the most of my day,

So I do catch up with my friends and try to attend something,

I try to write to keep my creative edge alive since I have started.

 

Still I want to make a living doing something worthwhile in life,

Not that what I am doing now doesn’t make a difference as it does.

But other than keeping my analytical brain at work,

It does not give the sense of satisfaction in life irrespective of the money it generates.

 

Why in the first place we devised such system called – work for living,

I know, because that is a smooth way of running the world without chaos.

And here I am in the midst of this so called perfect system,

Finding this life more chaotic than it can ever be.

Little things can make big difference

Life is struggle and fun at times. Sometimes its hard to live each moment when stuck in hardship, whereas its fun living a day or week when happy. But the most important thing to remember is that little things can make a big difference at times. I felt it so many times. For example waiting for the plane for two hours in Hawaii and then came to know that the flight is delayed for another two hours. I was tired and exhausted as had to wake up 4 AM in the morning to catch the flight and now it was cold and long wait in the waiting room. Could not get enough sleep as was worried to wake up this early and now extremely cold in the airport so can’t sleep any ways. Then finally came close to board and got a compliment from the security that you have got beautiful eyes. Don’t know whether my eyes were partially closed or open but I think that made a big difference at the start of my day and brought a smile on my face.

There was a guy sleeping on the floor as we were boarding the flight and I felt that he hasn’t realized that the flight has started boarding so I shook him to wake him up and asked if he is waiting for this flight and if yes then the flight has started boarding. He was a bit dazed (may be too tired) and then gave me a grateful smile and thanked me that I woke him up as otherwise he would have missed the flight. I met him again in Sydney in the airport and he thanked me again for waking him up. It was just a small thing but it made a big difference in his day.

I met the fellow passenger in the plane sitting next to me. I started talking to him and he informed me that he is sponsoring a child in Philippines for last few years. He pays 50 AUD every month and it pays for the school fees, clothes and other necessary things for this kid. It was amazing how 50 Dollar each month made such a big difference in some one’s life.

It is true that we shall never ignore that one small act of kindness can make a huge difference is some one’s life. Its not only money but even a smile can give some one else a reason to smile. So lets start every day by one simple act and if we practice every day then we are actually making difference in 365 lives at least. And this is a big number. I will try to do this and lets see if you can try as well. Let me know what did you do different as it will inspire rest of us as well.

Snoozing Period – Quiet before the Storm (What’s going to happen)

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You must be thinking I started my blog with all the self realization stuff and more regarding spirituality and now here I am only with reviews for movies and old travel stories. What happened to the self awareness journey? To be honest I am thinking the same as I was so happy for constantly 16 days since New Year or should say even from Christmas Eve when I went to my friends place for a celebration. But the truth is I am going through a negative phase now. It was the peak time to feel so light and now I am gone to the other side where I am again stuck with real life problems. Although it does not feel as bad as it used to may be because I am still aware of what’s happening so not much impacted by it. But being happy is not being easy really. There are times when I look at the world and it all feels the same and that is because inside it’s a storm that’s taking its toll.

I was seeing everything clearly only few days ago and now again it’s the fogginess that has taken over. I can’t see or feel anything all I can do is to save myself from feeling sick or bad about this phase. I am fighting with the negativity around me. And again to remind myself it’s just me nothing else has changed. It’s funny the same things that were source of happiness have turned into cold frozen objects today. Why, why I am going through this? I have so many questions. My soul sometimes wants to cry out loud and ask the universal power to come and merge into me. May be I am not completely ready that’s why it’s only in bursts that I am able to get the knowledge. For few days it was like a smooth stream of energy that was flowing in me from that universal powerful source and now I feel I am getting drained.

I have been seeing something floating in my room in the night for last couple of days on infrequent basis. I wake up in the middle of the night and see this image of an object or seem more like condensed white energy in my room that is floating around and feels like trying to get my attention. I know I might sound a bit weird but I promised to share all I am experience in life at the moment and here I am. Astonishing fact is that this energy is not scary at all. It has happened 5-6 times so far. I wake up in the middle of the night see this energy and go back to sleep and it feels like as if it’s just there and not to hurt me but just to be with me. Its white and I remember seeing some floating things last month and that was all black and it scared the hell out of me. I prayed in my heart and I was almost sinking in my heart all scared. But this time this energy is all white and it feels so pure. I am not sure whether it’s the lack of sleep as I have had enough for last few days at least or my sleeping pattern or the new place I moved into. But I saw the black energy/object in my old place whereas I can see the white ones here in the new place. I am not sure what is it all about really but my gut feeling is giving me an indication that my life is going to change and something big is going to happen and I am just getting prepared for it.

I am a science student and like to have a proof of everything that is real but I think I have also opened myself to see the truth and to be able to see beyond the obvious in the world. So I want to be ready for everything – if there is something I need to learn to achieve the peace and freedom in life. I told some of people I know at work about it and they laughed it off, not sure why I talked about it though may be because I didn’t believe it myself. Then today morning I told my flatmate and she advised me to throw anything that I might feel can carry some negative energy. I threw a teddy bear and few more things from my old place. Teddy I threw because the person who gave it to me was very depressed in life and often used to talk to the bear. And it might sound stupid but I thought maybe this might be carrying all the negative energy from that person to me. And when I don’t talk to the teddy (not many people do really) so it might be trying to get my attention. I know it sounds so odd and I can’t believe I am thinking like this as if it’s a script from a scary movie. But I like and respect my flatmate so I did as she suggested. She calls me an action girl as I act upon any suggestion very quickly if I think that can make any difference to make my life better. And I think that’s what I have learned in life to change things as soon as possible to make your life better as sometimes it gives you more pain not to change. Anyways I am hoping not to see anything anymore if it was because of those things. But part of me says that it was not the things it was something more that is trying to tell me something. Bigger than anything I have ever experienced. And it is only when I am sleeping I can see it because then only I am able to connect to my sub-conscious mind that knows it all. When we are conscious we think from our brain and decide on the basis of our most recent experience whereas when we are in sleep our conscious mind doesn’t interrupt the process of thought formation. That is also the reason we dream as it’s the sub-conscious mind that take over and starts working. I think this is enough for now. Let’s see how I go now and whether it was just a little malfunctioning of my senses or something real. I will keep you posted.  

Angry Bird – Burning with Fire

I burn, I churn, I stop and close my eyes,

I start again but it doesn’t go away.

I look around and the world is different,

I am at the other end of the wall.

The turmoil inside takes over,

I want to have a bubble around me.

I want to let this fire out of me,

I don’t hate anyone, I don’t want any harm

It’s just the feeling that is making me sick

I want to throw it up

It is burning me constantly and soaking my hope

The world is not yet over but it’s eating me alive

I want to run, I want to shout, I want to climb the highest building and hide there

I want to close myself from the world and sleep

Sleep and rest my soul for a while

I want to swim, deep in the water

I want to get rid of this fire and live again

Live a life of pure affection, live a dream of hope and passion