No I didn’t hide myself after talking about my bucket-list. I am ready with few things as of now 😉
I have an outline of 5 years plan to complete as many things in my wish list as possible – My promise to myself for 5 years to live life fully. And you know what I will be so used to of doing it that I would never stop after that. So sushh..its a smart plan right 😉
First I want to make a quick year plan that I have thought from now to end of this year – as many things as I can try to do this year.
A lot of things in my wishlist require intense travelling and I want to get few other things done before I go for few years travelling. So why not explore Australia. I had two thoughts one for 5 years plan and another one for this year to get myself started as soon as possible.
Here is a table that I made at a very high level as it would need few iteration before reaching to a final list and more items in each category with more accurate tasks. All I am trying to do is balance it in a way that I am taking care of my complete well-being. Do tell me your idea about my planning and if there is something you like here or don’t like. I am open to all your thoughts here.
Create new hobbies
Doing new things
Learn new culture
See new places
Learn about various religions
Meeting new people
Making contact and change something in their life
Get P driver licence
Continue with blogging
Make a plan to write a book
Learn new skills
Now here is my list for this year. I have this rough draft and as I would like to keep around 50 items so I might need to cross some of these and add few new. Although I will try to come up with the final list in few weeks time.
You must be thinking I started my blog with all the self realization stuff and more regarding spirituality and now here I am only with reviews for movies and old travel stories. What happened to the self awareness journey? To be honest I am thinking the same as I was so happy for constantly 16 days since New Year or should say even from Christmas Eve when I went to my friends place for a celebration. But the truth is I am going through a negative phase now. It was the peak time to feel so light and now I am gone to the other side where I am again stuck with real life problems. Although it does not feel as bad as it used to may be because I am still aware of what’s happening so not much impacted by it. But being happy is not being easy really. There are times when I look at the world and it all feels the same and that is because inside it’s a storm that’s taking its toll.
I was seeing everything clearly only few days ago and now again it’s the fogginess that has taken over. I can’t see or feel anything all I can do is to save myself from feeling sick or bad about this phase. I am fighting with the negativity around me. And again to remind myself it’s just me nothing else has changed. It’s funny the same things that were source of happiness have turned into cold frozen objects today. Why, why I am going through this? I have so many questions. My soul sometimes wants to cry out loud and ask the universal power to come and merge into me. May be I am not completely ready that’s why it’s only in bursts that I am able to get the knowledge. For few days it was like a smooth stream of energy that was flowing in me from that universal powerful source and now I feel I am getting drained.
I have been seeing something floating in my room in the night for last couple of days on infrequent basis. I wake up in the middle of the night and see this image of an object or seem more like condensed white energy in my room that is floating around and feels like trying to get my attention. I know I might sound a bit weird but I promised to share all I am experience in life at the moment and here I am. Astonishing fact is that this energy is not scary at all. It has happened 5-6 times so far. I wake up in the middle of the night see this energy and go back to sleep and it feels like as if it’s just there and not to hurt me but just to be with me. Its white and I remember seeing some floating things last month and that was all black and it scared the hell out of me. I prayed in my heart and I was almost sinking in my heart all scared. But this time this energy is all white and it feels so pure. I am not sure whether it’s the lack of sleep as I have had enough for last few days at least or my sleeping pattern or the new place I moved into. But I saw the black energy/object in my old place whereas I can see the white ones here in the new place. I am not sure what is it all about really but my gut feeling is giving me an indication that my life is going to change and something big is going to happen and I am just getting prepared for it.
I am a science student and like to have a proof of everything that is real but I think I have also opened myself to see the truth and to be able to see beyond the obvious in the world. So I want to be ready for everything – if there is something I need to learn to achieve the peace and freedom in life. I told some of people I know at work about it and they laughed it off, not sure why I talked about it though may be because I didn’t believe it myself. Then today morning I told my flatmate and she advised me to throw anything that I might feel can carry some negative energy. I threw a teddy bear and few more things from my old place. Teddy I threw because the person who gave it to me was very depressed in life and often used to talk to the bear. And it might sound stupid but I thought maybe this might be carrying all the negative energy from that person to me. And when I don’t talk to the teddy (not many people do really) so it might be trying to get my attention. I know it sounds so odd and I can’t believe I am thinking like this as if it’s a script from a scary movie. But I like and respect my flatmate so I did as she suggested. She calls me an action girl as I act upon any suggestion very quickly if I think that can make any difference to make my life better. And I think that’s what I have learned in life to change things as soon as possible to make your life better as sometimes it gives you more pain not to change. Anyways I am hoping not to see anything anymore if it was because of those things. But part of me says that it was not the things it was something more that is trying to tell me something. Bigger than anything I have ever experienced. And it is only when I am sleeping I can see it because then only I am able to connect to my sub-conscious mind that knows it all. When we are conscious we think from our brain and decide on the basis of our most recent experience whereas when we are in sleep our conscious mind doesn’t interrupt the process of thought formation. That is also the reason we dream as it’s the sub-conscious mind that take over and starts working. I think this is enough for now. Let’s see how I go now and whether it was just a little malfunctioning of my senses or something real. I will keep you posted.
Why we say that God lives in the sky and angels can fly. A thought occurred to me that may be because spiritually we become heavy if we have negative feelings. Remember whenever we are sad or feeling bad then we feel so heavy inside and don’t have any energy to do anything. I think usually we all have been in that position so we can relate to it.
What if we take out all the negative feelings and energy and fill ourselves with love, compassion and many other positive feelings. We will become lighter than air. And we will be full of energy as well. It would be so much easier to even fly then as we would be lighter and that will help us to go up in the air and abundance of energy will help in opening our wings (spiritually) and fly far away. I can see the analogy that angels can fly like birds because angels are pure and full of good emotions only.
And now that we think that God lives in the sky somewhere and heaven is up there. Human claimed everything unreachable either God or Evil. Like the sun was a mystery so people started worshiping it. And night became a scary time when ghosts come alive. Same I think is the case with sky. As we could easily reach anywhere in the land and water but didn’t have enough resources to reach the sky, hence we declared it as a place where God lives. What if so called God lives among us or somewhere in the earth or water.
I know I am questioning the old beliefs. Although we have won all the places not and even being able to reach other planets but I am trying to undo all the learning in order to understand the truth and any other possibilities.
What do I need to do next to know the truth? In present I am full of the biased learning, perceptions, judgments, limits, fear and a lot more other things. How can you fill the glass when it is already full. And that’s where I am at the moment. Only willing to learn doesn’t really help in learning something, it is also very important that we unlearn the things in life to be able to accept the new truth. At times we ask or pray to get things but we are not ready for it. It is like asking some one to come to visit us but either we do not have time for that person or no place to entertain. So how any new knowledge is going to help if we do not have space to store it.
I think it is the reason that although the truth is simple and in front of me but I can not see it. Because I am full and can not take any new knowledge until I actually unlearn. How do we know whatever we know whether it is the truth or not? Some will say that it is the result of all the knowledge stored in books, some will say that these are the findings from the efforts of many intellectual people. But then how do I know they knew the truth or they perceived it right. Is it right to question everything? May be not if we think we might unlearn what we do at our job as well. But that is not the case as we are talking about the spiritual leaning here. Learning about the journey of this beautiful life.
I believe in the power of imagination. Also I believe that we are part of universe and universe is part of us and we all contain the same energy then don’t we have all the knowledge stored in us. And we deeply know everything. Its just that we put limits to everything and we see things only as we want to see and close our eyes to rest of the universe. We make ourselves small and limited whereas the universe has a lot to offer.
I want to look into myself rather than seeking everywhere else for this knowledge and the truth. As no matter where we go in the world, truth is inside us only. All we have got to do it know ourselves. And I think we miss this only as its simple and we are used to of resolving complicated stuff and do not give much attention to simple things in life.
It was 7:30 AM in the morning and I was walking towards my work place, listening to the meditation music I just downloaded. An idea caught my mind and I got curious to walk with my eyes closed.
I closed my eyes and continued walking for few seconds. A feeling of fear started getting stronger in me. Suddenly I opened my eyes and relief washed my heart making me feel safe and sound. Even when we close our eyes physically then the fear starts taking place. No wonder we are afraid of so many things in life because we have closed our inner eyes and have closed all the doors to spiritual awareness.
I am starting to realise that I am living my life as a blind person. That is why I am worried about future, present and all the things I am not sure about. If you open your spiritual eyes then you can easily see things clearly and where your choices are going to take you in future.
We as human species are gifted to be able to make choices and then we forget that it’s up to us to choose a path that will help us to get to our destination. Just as the visibility reduces in deep water due to the various factors; same is the case in life. We can’t see things in near future because we have so many distractions and obstruction created by us. Emotions like fear, anxiety, and excitement clutter our vision in life. We lose the bigger picture when we start focusing on the nitty gritty of everyday’s things.
It’s like navigation – we need to focus on various roads and streets but every now and then we also need to zoom out the map and see which direction we are heading. In today’s life we do remember to focus on deciding the path to move forward but we hardly remember to step back and see where these paths are going to take us. This is the reason we are in un-wanted situations at times that make us doubt ourselves. I will share more insight about it in the next post as I am going through this journey of self realization these days that is helping me unfold the world slowly.